Adopting a troubled dog

[RGC]

Am back again, not sure whether I should have started new thread or not but not sure how to anyway.
Have not been successful in leaving her at home on her own but that is more down to me than her, have closed door to hall and just left but looked through window and she is just stood at door with tail hanging looking so miserable, I have had to go back in (I know I am doing the wrong thing)
Only time she gets really excited is when she sees her lead and harness. She is so much better when she is out, is now going up to strangers and half wagging her tail (would run away from people before) Has allowed a friends dog to sniff her without her snapping. So much progress with socialising her, she will sit on my lap when we are out but as soon as we get home she is straight into her donut bed and ignores me and only comes out to eat. Does not even play with her toys anymore
I am not sure what to think, her ears twitch every time I move. If I leave the room and come back she is out of her bed and on the fleece so obviously wondering where I am going but buries her head as soon as I return.
I'm baffled, she has only just started to eat food as I put it down, I always had to leave the room before but she still goes into her donut bed by her food and only when she thinks I am not looking will she try and sneak back to her bed in living room
She totally ignores me at home and does nothing except lay in her bed, the only time she comes to life is when she is out. I would love to be able to take her out for most of the day but this is just not possible
I think she has spent so much time on her own she wants to socialise but is also scared and I think maybe I am too boring for her
Am wondering if a dog behaviourist would help but how could I make sure that they were genuine and effective
Just do not know what to do next

For what it’s worth (and I hasten to add that I’m no expert) compare her demeanour now with how she was and stop beating yourself up. Let her dictate her pace. I’d have thought that at this stage that the last thing she needs is change whether it’s environment or personnel. She will trust a calm undemanding mum in time. I was miffed that Mabel would wag her tail when my wife spoke to her but she gave me the square root of bog all and yet I was the one who fed her and walked her - she barely acknowledged me socially. However little things revealed that she was beginning to trust me like keeping an eye on me when running off the leash with other dogs. She wasn’t happy when I bent over her - I had to sidle up to her. The whole point of this screed (and thank you for staying awake thus far) is to demonstrate that it takes time. I NEVER thought that I’d get there with Mabel and we got her in November ‘19 but I assure you that she’s a daddy’s girl not something I demanded, I’m not a control freak, I just wanted a secure, confident and happy whippet. A companion. I’m sure that there’ll be suggestions from experience from others. Wishing you both well.

 

[Sus]

For what it’s worth (and I hasten to add that I’m no expert) compare her demeanour now with how she was and stop beating yourself up. Let her dictate her pace. I’d have thought that at this stage that the last thing she needs is change whether it’s environment or personnel. She will trust a calm undemanding mum in time. I was miffed that Mabel would wag her tail when my wife spoke to her but she gave me the square root of bog all and yet I was the one who fed her and walked her - she barely acknowledged me socially. However little things revealed that she was beginning to trust me like keeping an eye on me when running off the leash with other dogs. She wasn’t happy when I bent over her - I had to sidle up to her. The whole point of this screed (and thank you for staying awake thus far) is to demonstrate that it takes time. I NEVER thought that I’d get there with Mabel and we got her in November ‘19 but I assure you that she’s a daddy’s girl not something I demanded, I’m not a control freak, I just wanted a secure, confident and happy whippet. A companion. I’m sure that there’ll be suggestions from experience from others. Wishing you both well.

 

[Sus]

Thanks RGC, I know I am impatient but I cannot work out all her changing behaviours but as you say I just have to give her time, I guess I will always come on this site to make sure I am not doing anything wrong as I have never had a dog before, only looked after family and friends dogs for holidays so it is all new for me as well
I totally agree with you about her improvement when out walking, she loves going out, never wants to come home. She will let strangers approach her and touch her now which is fantastic
It is just this ignoring me now when we get in and going straight to her bed that is bugging me. She used to play a bit with balls and her toys before but ignores me when I try to get her to do it now
I guess I will need to wait and see if this just another phase she is going through and keep taking her out for walks which I know she loves

 

[Flobo]

I have to agree with @RGC, please stop beating yourself up... the small amount of progress she is making when out with you is actually quite huge! Hopefully as she gains more confidence with you in the outside world slowly but surely her confidence will grow indoors with you. To me as an outsider it seems like in her previous home maybe being out was her happy place and at home was a difficult environment for her. Remember progress IS progress even if it's not the way round you thought it would be

 

[Sus]

I have to agree with @RGC, please stop beating yourself up... the small amount of progress she is making when out with you is actually quite huge! Hopefully as she gains more confidence with you in the outside world slowly but surely her confidence will grow indoors with you. To me as an outsider it seems like in her previous home maybe being out was her happy place and at home was a difficult environment for her. Remember progress IS progress even if it's not the way round you thought it would be

 

[Sus]

Thanks Flobo, do you know I think you have solved the issue by what you have suggested. We know she was unhappy in the home the last couple of years. My sister who used to visit the old lady concerned said that Biddy used to hide underneath a chair and stopped coming out to greet visitors. At the time she did not know if it was because she missed her male owner who had gone into care or because she had witnessed one or both of them having falls in the home or indeed even being fallen upon. which would probably have terrified her. The only time she got out was when the son came at weekends to walk her which was not always consistent so yes probably the only time she felt safe was when she was out. That would explain a lot
I feel better now, I was beginning to think that she did not like me but in all fairness she is settling down and sleeping now with her bed out in the open and not tucked in a corner
We were out down the beach early this morning, then in the woods and a walk along another seafront with a different friend and dog and she had a great time, greeted my friend and seemed to accept Bob her dog with no problems. We were out for 4 hrs and she still wanted to keep going. She is flat out at moment and has got some freshly cooked chicken as a treat tonight as she is down to 3.5kgs now not the 3 kgs that the vet wants but we are going in the right direction
If I think back on everything, she has made a tremendous amount of progress really, she still has a long way to go and maybe will never be the dog I want her to be but as long as she is happy that is enough for me
I will keep doing what I am doing and force myself to be more laid back and patient
Thanks everyone for the advice and encouragement

 

[Flobo]

Ah that's lovely, sounds like she and you had a wonderful day, your post even feels more relaxed

 

[Sus]

Ah that's lovely, sounds like she and you had a wonderful day, your post even feels more relaxed

 

[Sus]

It is all thanks to you Flobo and all others on this site. I do not think we would have made it this far without everyone's help on here
I am trying to focus on all the positives now instead of worrying about the lack of progress
I guess there is gonna be a lot of ups and downs on the way but will try my best not to think negatively about anything. Cannot promise that will happen but will try hard
I will post a pic soon, still not figured how to do it

 

[JoanneF]

Have you thought of keeping a diary? Sometimes that helps to let you see how far you have really come.

 

[JudyN]

I think also you shouldn't worry about Biddy ignoring you - my hubby and I have been sitting ignoring each other all evening! Just aim for her to be comfortable in your presence (though not right next to her bed - dogs can be very protective of their beds and don't like their owners coming right up to them even when they don't have 'issues'). You almost want her to see you as part of the furniture, and then in time, when she feels comfortable, and then a relationship can grow out of that - when she's ready.