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Adopting a troubled dog

I think maybe if you can manage to relax more about everything it might help Biddy to relax a wee bit too. You have to put her life into context, she has had 8 years in her previous home, whatever the experience, it's all she's ever known. She has had 12 days with you... and actually she's had a whole lot go on in those 12 days, as well as probably being in pain with her abscess and wisdom teeth, which is going to make her feel pretty lousy(constant pain is emotionally wearing too:(). I would just try and slow down a bit, maybe concentrate on just getting her healthy for now and you might find when she actually feels physically better she'll be less anxious/stressed and more open to hopefully bonding with you and generally she'll feel happier...fingers crossed!
It's just going to take time...:)
 
This forum is a mine of information and good sense, Sus. People pay a fortune to canine behaviour specialists and here you have it on tap. As has been said, let her have space and keep patience in mind. Let her come to you in her own time and at her own pace. Pushing love down her throat won’t do it. Don’t be over exuberant with small gains, just maintain very calm praise. Yes, you will most likely find that some trauma in her past will always haunt her but, in time, the positives will obviate such. As I’ve said, Mabel has turned around but there are still some issues. I tried to clip her nails this morning - sat by her on the sofa, no problem. Picked up one of her front paws and had a good look at it, no problem. Reached for the clippers, no problem. Brought the clippers to the said paw, she jumped down. I put the clippers away and invited her back, she came and sat beside me. Sometime later I tried again but with the same result. I have to accept that I’ll never be able to clip her nails. Fortunately we have a friend (local whippet rescue) who’s happy to carry on doing it. Sus, this is to demonstrate that we can’t do everything in OUR time. With luck (and prayer) Mabel may allow me more licence in the future but, for the time being, I’ll settle for what has been achieved.
 
Thanks Flobo,you are right, I know I have been fussing her too much, I just hate to see her looking so sad. I have left her alone today. She has slept a lot of the time but gets up and goes into the garden now and then as I have left patio doors open, I have thrown a ball for her a few times but other than that have left her alone.
She finishes her antibiotics and antinflammatories tomorrow, and I have stopped using ear wash on her ear, that can wait till another time.
Hopefully she will be feeling a little bit better and I will let her do what she wants to do when she wants to do it
I am thinking of phoning the vet to see if her teeth extractions can be delayed till a later date. Its a difficult one as if the teeth are bad they need to come out but it might be a little too much for her to go through at the moment, will wait to see what the vet says
Another thing Im concerned about is her food. She weighed 3.7kg and the vet said she should be 3kg for a healthy weight She likes ceaser dog food and I have been giving her a 150gm tin divided up throughout the day and also giving about 30gm of Fish4dogs dry food and a couple of low fat treats. This is more than the vet wanted me to feed her but she has been overfed with the wrong food for so long that I cannot just cut everything back. I am taking her out for 2 walks a day now but in between she is not very active at all.
 
Thank you RGC you have given good avice there. I am starting to realise that I was doing so much wrong when I thought I was doing everything I could to make her happy. I am learning slowly and have left her alone for most of today. She can do things at her pace now and I will not interfere. It is hard but I will certainly keep trying
 
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It is hard, there's no doubt about it - and several people on this forum are here because they were also floundering in the early days. I certainly was! One thing our dogs can teach us really well is patience... and acceptance. Be aware that she may well pick up on your feelings, so if you feel sad because she's feeling sad, she'll know, and that'll make her more anxious. Just as with humans who have gone through trauma, however much you want to 'do something' to 'fix it', you can't. You just have to provide the environment where healing can come from the inside.

If you don't think she'd be content with less food right now, it might make sense just to make sure she doesn't put more on (I'm not a vet and can't see her, though). Could you also pad out her food with vegetables, or see if she likes carrot or similar treats, which might make her feel more full?
 
Thanks Judy, I certainly have been stressing out about her so she obviosly senses that, gonna start trying to be the new chill me and leave her more to her own devices, she can do things at her own pace then
I have tried her with carrot and she eats that on its own and she has small pieces of veg and herbs already in her dog food. I have decided that I am going to call at the vets tomorrow so that she can just step on the scales near the entrance and I will be able to see then if I have been doing any good or doing harm
I hope she does come good, she is not the dog I would have chosen for myself but I always said I would only ever get a rescue dog and she certainly needed help
 
When Jake, um... was a little plump shall we say:rolleyes:( I didn't notice under all his fluff!:oops:), he literally had a bowl of steamed veg with a table spoon of raw mince in it, twice a day, and 3 treats, one on each walk and one for bed and the weight did come off. He was bigger than a JR but as Judy suggested too, bulking out her food with veg can really help.
 
Went to vets last week and still weighed 3.6kg (a loss of 0.1kg) despite regular walks so have cut her food down a little more. They would like her to be nearer 3kgs before she has anaesthetic for wisdom teeth removal. This is now scheduled for 8th Sep so I have an extra month to try and get her to lose a bit more
Have cut her wet food down to 100gms from 150 and kept dry food at 30gm but have cut back on the treats and she seems ok with this
I am only feeding her food from supermarket and dry food from online. I do not want to change to the raw food diet but would like to know if I am feeding her correctly
I use Cesar, Butcher and Harringtons wet food which I alternate for variety and Fish4Dogs dry food. Think she ate a lot of fattening and human food before but at least she is eating now and seems ok with what I am feeding her.
I just want to know if these foods will give her what she needs. I did ask the vet but all she was concerned about was the amount I gave.
She is still very nervous and anxious and has started following me around which I am not too happy about as I think she may be worried that I am going to leave her too in which case I will not want to go out and leave her at all. That is not going to do her or me any good
I leave her to her own devices in the day except when I walk her and in the evenings I lift her bed onto the sofa next to me so that she can get used to me touching her. She would not lay next to me at all otherwise, she only ever lays in her bed or on the fleece next to her bed. She seems to like being petted but am not sure about anything really.
 
Sus said:
I just want to know if these foods will give her what she needs
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These foods aren’t bad, the Cesar maybe not quite such good quality as the Harrington’s. There’s a website called www.allaboutdogfood.co.uk that gives independent assessments of all types of food (wet, dry, raw) and that’s quite good for checking if you don’t want to have to spend all your time analysing ingredients.


Sus said:
has started following me around
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I would see that as a good thing! She is starting to build trust and look to you for support and comfort. This is her starting to connect with you, which is what you hoped would happen. You could (if you haven’t already) leave her for short periods. Do you know what she would do if you were to do that?


Sus said:
She seems to like being petted but am not sure about anything really
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For this, I’d try something called the 5 second rule. Pet her for 5 seconds (some dogs prefer if you avoid the head) then stop. See what she does. If she initiates further petting, do it for another 5 seconds then stop again. Continue for as long as she asks you to. That gives her control, which will build her confidence because she can make it stop if she wants.
 
I agree with JoanneF, particularly on her following you being a good thing. She needs you, like a troubled child needs their security blanket, and removing it would make them feel more insecure, not less. As far as possible (including into the bathroom!), let her follow you. In time she will feel safer, and more confident that you won't suddenly disappear. Have you left her at all since she arrived? What would she do if you left the house without her?

When you put her bed on the sofa, do you mean with her on it, or that you put the bed up there and invite her up? As she likes her bed and her blanket, I think I'd put the blanket next to you on the sofa and invite her up... Bribery with food (out of her daily allocation) is fine, but the important thing is that she has the choice. If she's uncomfortable in any way while next to you on the sofa, then she's best off just being in the room with you.

I can't stress enough how it really is still very early days, and that 'doing nothing' is probably the best thing you can do. Try to just let it happen.
 
JudyN said:
I agree with JoanneF, particularly on her following you being a good thing. She needs you, like a troubled child needs their security blanket, and removing it would make them feel more insecure, not less. As far as possible (including into the bathroom!), let her follow you. In time she will feel safer, and more confident that you won't suddenly disappear. Have you left her at all since she arrived? What would she do if you left the house without her?

When you put her bed on the sofa, do you mean with her on it, or that you put the bed up there and invite her up? As she likes her bed and her blanket, I think I'd put the blanket next to you on the sofa and invite her up... Bribery with food (out of her daily allocation) is fine, but the important thing is that she has the choice. If she's uncomfortable in any way while next to you on the sofa, then she's best off just being in the room with you.

I can't stress enough how it really is still very early days, and that 'doing nothing' is probably the best thing you can do. Try to just let it happen.
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Take encouragement by the fact that you’ve come one helluva long way compared to her initial persona. It’s the easing off of attention that’ll help - in all things let her come to you. When you do leave her alone it’s prudent to remove stuff that she could destroy - I learnt the hard way.
 
Thank you for your replies, I guess I have done something else wrong again. I lifted her bed with her in it on to the sofa so I was not letting her choose what she wanted to do. Another lesson learned, I will not do that again and will try the petting of her for 5 seconds then stopping.
I will look at that website on dog food and think I will maybe start popping out for very short periods to see how she handles it
I am definitely better than i was at the beginning, I ignore her a lot of the time and let her do what she wants, and do not fuss over her all the time
Thank Heavens for this site, I am so grateful for all your help and advice
 
Rather than ignore her completely, I would acknowledge her - say 'Hi, how are you doing?' with a smile, and then turn away. Think of her like a partner you've been with a long time - you're not all over each other, but say things like 'Look at that lovely sunset', or 'I'm just going to get a glass of water' or whatever. So again, no pressure - just happy companionable vibes, I guess.

And don't worry about getting it wrong - it took me aaaages to finally 'get' the approach I needed with my dog (who had very different issues), but got an immense amount of support from people on this forum.

Let us know how she gets on when you leave - if that proves difficult, we should be able to help there too.
 
A little tip that is not in any way a criticism:

You are petting her for your pleasure, not hers. Let her choose whether/when to come to you, sit beside you and ultimately touch you. She will do all those things eventually. Imagine you have just been put into a home with space aliens. You can't speak the language, you don't understand what they want when they wave their tentacles or touch you with their suckers. They haven't hurt you yet but you are still wondering if they might. Tentatively, you are extending your observation of them by following one around. Also when you were captured, you were unwell, and you generally feel below par and therefore vulnerable.

Honestly, the best thing you can do to build tolerance and then trust is - nothing. Let her decide when she feels like taking your relationship a bit further - one small step at a time.
 
I like that analogy with aliens.:cool: I am also an advocate of chatting to your dog, as Judy says.
Also please don't feel like you are wrong for trying to do right, it is difficult to navigate and build a new relationship whatever the back ground and we all need a bit of support and guidance at times. Look at this as a journey you're taking together, you're both learning about each other day by day or even moment by moment!
It'll come I'm sure:)
 
Thank you all so much, do not know what I would have done without all your tips and advice, cannot believe how much I was doing wrong but am slowly getting there.
Have not left her own yet as she seems to have reverted back to how she was at the beginning, cowering down, looking away and burying her head when I speak to her. I do not look at her but can see her staring at me out of corner of my eye, if I turn towards her she ducks her head and hides, just lays in her bed, if I go into the garden she eventually follows but if I turn round and look at her she runs back (as if I have not seen her)
Only 2 things have happened differently, I washed 2 of her beds, the donut one which was in kitchen by her feed bowl and the fleece which was on the floor by her donut bed in living room. These were missing for 2 days in total and the other is my brother visited to cut back my garden. He is over 6ft and big a bit like John Biddys prev owner who loved her dearly but got Parkinsonism, frequent falls and dementia before going into home and passing away.
My brother just said hello there Biddy and bent to stroke her (he has always had dogs) by the time he left she was in corner cowering down behind chair
All the progress I thought I had made has gone backwards
Only time she seems excited now is when I get out her harness and lead, but even when I think she is happy when out she just stops and cowers, then sometimes sits and resists on lead, then refuses to turn a certain way. I am sure people seeing me walking her must think I'm cruel or hitting her or something
I know this is early days, but I never thought it would be like this.. I will stick it out but thought would be a lot easier than this
Thank you all for you support
 
Will send a pic when I can figure out how. Was hoping to send a happy tail in the air laughing dog but know now that maybe a few if not more weeks away. I can wait though
 
It does sound as if your brother might have inadvertently upset her and set her back a bit. Do let her choose where she walks, and if she refuses to walk in a certain direction, just follow her lead - she needs to trust you not to maker her go into scary situations, even if you have no idea what is scary about it.

I would start now thinking about leaving her for a very short time. I'm talking literally putting your shoes on and stepping outside the front door, then coming back in again. Or maybe you just put your shoes on and walk towards the door... At least you'll get a feel for whether this is going to be an issue.

HUGE respect to you for sticking with her despite her not being the dog you had expected, and for seeking advice. It's something most people simply wouldn't be prepared to do, so she's a very lucky girl.
 
Thanks Judy I will try that tomorrow, am willing to try anything that might work. Fingers crossed that we make a little step forward x
 
Sus said:
Thanks Judy I will try that tomorrow, am willing to try anything that might work. Fingers crossed that we make a little step forward x
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Am back again, not sure whether I should have started new thread or not but not sure how to anyway.
Have not been successful in leaving her at home on her own but that is more down to me than her, have closed door to hall and just left but looked through window and she is just stood at door with tail hanging looking so miserable, I have had to go back in (I know I am doing the wrong thing)
Only time she gets really excited is when she sees her lead and harness. She is so much better when she is out, is now going up to strangers and half wagging her tail (would run away from people before) Has allowed a friends dog to sniff her without her snapping. So much progress with socialising her, she will sit on my lap when we are out but as soon as we get home she is straight into her donut bed and ignores me and only comes out to eat. Does not even play with her toys anymore
I am not sure what to think, her ears twitch every time I move. If I leave the room and come back she is out of her bed and on the fleece so obviously wondering where I am going but buries her head as soon as I return.
I'm baffled, she has only just started to eat food as I put it down, I always had to leave the room before but she still goes into her donut bed by her food and only when she thinks I am not looking will she try and sneak back to her bed in living room
She totally ignores me at home and does nothing except lay in her bed, the only time she comes to life is when she is out. I would love to be able to take her out for most of the day but this is just not possible
I think she has spent so much time on her own she wants to socialise but is also scared and I think maybe I am too boring for her
Am wondering if a dog behaviourist would help but how could I make sure that they were genuine and effective
Just do not know what to do next
 
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