Training with a toddler

[Vinnievinnie]

This is my first post here and I want to start off by saying I’ve had dogs and bigger breeds my whole life as a child up until my late teens. Me and my partner recently decided to buy a puppy, the breed is cane corso/Great Dane dad / Rottweiler mum and he is currently around 14-15 weeks old. We have a 3 year old daughter and live in a flat where it’s difficult to separate them. My daughter has additional needs and struggles massively with being calm and not running around and making loud noise. I’m trying to teach her to stroke gently on his back and not his face and feed him after her etc. He has always struggled with being around her as she is very erratic and makes loud noises and runs away from him and due to her needs she can’t compute not to do that even when told, which results in him chasing her and nipping at her sudden movements etc. I was making this post really to get some advice on what others have done in a similar situation or any advice anyone has to improve the situation. He seems very jealous when I spend time with my daughter separate from him and is almost cautious to approach us when together, he struggles with me doing simple things like getting her dressed and changing her nappy and it normally ends in him being slightly annoyed and potentially nipping or getting too excited and becoming problematic in any of those types of situations. My daughter definitely does tease him from time to time and doesn’t understand the concept that he is much bigger and stronger than her and could hurt her when she tries to play without me or my partner. Once again, there’s probably a lot I’ve missed but it would be interesting to hear from anybody that has similar experiences or just general advice on how to fix it.

Thanks in advance!!

 

[JudyN]

As someone who has had a dog with an iffy temperament, alarm bells are ringing for me (I'm not saying that your dog has an iffy temperament, just that I'm very aware of how quickly things can go wrong). So I just want to put this out there: Would you consider recognising that this is not the right time for you to have a dog and seeing if you can rehome him while he's still cute and trainable? There are just so many ways in which this scenario could go VERY badly, and rehoming could honestly be in the interests of your dog as well as your daughter, as he finds being around her stressful.

 

[Vinnievinnie]

As someone who has had a dog with an iffy temperament, alarm bells are ringing for me (I'm not saying that your dog has an iffy temperament, just that I'm very aware of how quickly things can go wrong). So I just want to put this out there: Would you consider recognising that this is not the right time for you to have a dog and seeing if you can rehome him while he's still cute and trainable? There are just so many ways in which this scenario could go VERY badly, and rehoming could honestly be in the interests of your dog as well as your daughter, as he finds being around her stressful.

Definitely an option, the person we bought him from didn’t get him vaxxed so he’s been unable to get out of the house and he’s booked for his second vaxx tomorrow. My plan was to see how he was when he had more regular walks and outside contact and if nothing changes make the decision after that. I was just wondering in the mean time if there’s anything else that could be done. I don’t let them interact as much as I should through the reluctance for it to go well, I.E he always see’s her as a target to nip but there has been many times he’s let her stroke him and not been bothered so I’m kind of stuck in two minds on if that could be changed through perseverance and tactics I’ve not used yet. I probably don’t invite him in to be around us when we are cuddling/playing enough and that’s creating that resentment from him as now he sees it as a bad thing rather than a good thing. Maybe having some treats in my pocket all day and anytime I spend time with my daughter or anything that’s problematic try and show him it’s a safe space and you get rewarded by behaving well?

 

[JudyN]

He really ought to be getting outside the house to socialise - him being unsocialised is more of a risk than him picking up infections through being unvaccinated. There's more about socialisation here: Socialising your puppy Note that it says that you can take pup out as long as you keep his feet off the ground, but I assume he's already a bit large to be carried - so I would try to take him to places with few dogs and little wildlife.

I think rather than try to encourage him to be with you when you're playing with your daughter, you should create a 'safe place' for him, a refuge, and give him something to do there, e.g. give him a frozen Kong. And make sure that he gets plenty of attention, cuddles and fun too - you really could do with separating an area for him, maybe with a playpen, where he knows he can relax and not be 'pestered'.

I wouldn't use treats as a 'reward' for 'good' behaviour - you want him to calm, not suppressing his anxiety. If he know he mustn't nip, he may suppress it and show great forbearance, until he can't cope any more and has to escalate to a snap... Possibly, you could incorporate him into a game with your daughter - e.g. teach him fetch, so while you're playing with her you throw/roll a ball for him to bring back to you.

How much play/training do you do with him in a day? Do you have a garden? He needs both physical and mental exercise to help him relax and be calm, and the more this need and his need for attention are fulfilled, the less he's likely to feel that he's missing out when you focus on your daughter.

 

[JudyN]

I'm posting this for Vinnievinnie as they had problems posting in the thread (probably because of its length, and they're using a phone):

I completely agree, I fell ill when we got him and was in hospital so it was poor timing, he will be vaxx’d tomorrow and plan on taking him out multiple times a day. He’s about 20kg but I’ve been able to lift him in from the garden as he is very stubborn when he goes to the toilet and won’t come in sometimes which indicates to me he craves that outdoors which I’m going to solve of course. I’ve been lead training him indoors and taking him out periodically with the lead to go for a wee which he has taken to nicely. We have a garden, it’s a bit of a pain at the minute as he isn’t the best with recall even with regular training and he digs and chews everything and anything(only outdoors though luckily).

He has his safe space which is the kitchen/porch where his bed or blanket always is and he has all of his toys and chew toys in there. It’s separated from our living space by a baby gate but he often sits at the gate whining and trying jump over the gate which I’m in the midst of training him with, he has some clear separation anxiety but is surprisingly good when we go out and leave him for long hours. He’s not grasped the idea of the kong yet but we bought a puzzle for him and I do that 2-3x a day but because of how much he needs to be fed I’m scared to upset his stomach by giving him too much externally outside of his meals, I’ve been using peanut butter/cheese/apple sauce and a few dog treats but I’m scared of over feeding him or getting his stomach upset so any ideas for that would be appreciated! I’ve made sure I give him a lot of attention I think his nature is very protective due to his breed and he probably sees me as the leader so when I do X with my daughter or leave him on behind his gate when he knows I’m in the house he throws a tantrum for attention.

That makes a lot of sense, I keep making effort to sit on the floor with them both and show my daughter how to stroke him nicely and praise him when he doesn’t react by nipping, I also bought a tug of war toy that’s 3-4ft long so I could play with my daughter and him from a safe distance as my daughter struggles a lot with understanding danger and the fact if she runs up to the ball she just threw he may nip her so that was a good happy median. Any advice other than that would be appreciated I just thought giving as much info will help to see if I’m doing something a little wrong or that could be fine tuned.

I’ve been quite active in training, I’ve taught him to sit on command, lie down after sitting on command, taught him to wait and also wait before going to eat his dinner/puzzle before I put it down. I’ve been lead training him indoors and outdoors and redirect often if he’s misbehaving with chews etc. we have a garden as stated above but it isn’t practical right now as his recall isn’t great and he seems to be biting everything and eating things he shouldn’t, I was hoping through lead training I could take him out there on that but he’s quite resistant and rightfully so as he wants to be able to run around freely, it’s just because he eats everything I’m cautious as I don’t want him eating something and getting sick and thought once I trained him through going out on walks once he’s vax’d he would start to associate the process as a whole and I can micro manage him more in a controlled environment to not chew and eat things outdoors and to only sniff and explore, once again unsure on how to tackle this garden issue the best and any advice would be massively appreciated!

I’m going to try and use the kong a lot more as I think that’s a much easier way to get him to be mentally stimulated for longer durations where as the puzzles don’t last too long and he gets bored after it’s done obviously.

 

[JudyN]

I'm just giving this thread a bump, as the OP has given more detail - and it is a safety concern as there is a three-year-old in the house. Does anyone else have any thoughts? I know there are members here with more wide-ranging knowledge than me.

 

[RGC]

I have concerns re “…..when we go out and leave him for long hours.” Perhaps taking on such a commitment and responsibility at this stage of your family’s ‘evolution’ wasn’t so well judged. What thoughts do you have with regard to having your pup rehomed in a more stable environment?

 

[Flobo]

I'm afraid I have to concur, re maybe rehoming...

He is a large breed who is struggling now at a young age, despite your care and obvious desire to make this situation work. Your young daughter has additional needs and space is also a problem. As your daughter grows, so will the pup... If you look into the near future for a moment, if the pup is continuing to struggle, with all your best efforts, you are then in the situation of having a big dog that has 'issues' around children... If your daughter has play mates round this is going to be exacerbated - play, excitement, noise and movement levels increase, as will the stress levels of your now big dog... To me this can only lead to a very worrying environment for all concerned.

I know making decisions to rehome is incredibly difficult, but I do feel in this situation this needs to be given some very serious thought as an option, for all of you... you are not failing this dog by considering this option, you are potentially saving him...