Is there such a thing as 'too careful'? (Covid)

[Jack-Russell-Lover]

Hi all,

So Covid has been a right nightmare as I'm sure you all know and I hope you're all staying safe and well. Our household has been cleaning all our shopping (which we have delivered), haven't been anywhere other than work, the petrol station, to the vets for my dog's booster and to take cars to MOT's, getting my dog's meds posted from the vets and putting off going to the hairdressers etc.
I'm in the middle of a little tiff with my sister as she won a weekend away and asked if I could house & pet sit for her in a couple of weeks time. Normally I would love to help but I'm living with my partner and his family (which includes his elderly grandmother) so I've said no because we have been shielding on and off since covid began and people are not even allowed to go into other's houses right now. Valid reason to decline right?
Not according to her, she's upset with me now because I said no and she thinks we're being too careful and should be trying to live a normal as possible and said that I should house sit to get away for a couple of days (as if I'd be less careful just because I was in another house). I feel awful having to say no but feel like I have to.
What do you guys think? Would you say yes or no? Are we being too cautious at our house? How are other people who are shielding living?

 

[excuseme]

I don't have any brothers or sisters, my husbands parents and mine died a long time ago.
I would happily say NO.

We know where we are going with the dogs, what we have touched, and all shopping wiped with hot soapy water with bleach in. Hands gelled before and while in the supermarket and as leaving. Hands well gelled after topping up with petrol and car keys gelled before putting them into the ignition.
Letters and parcels wiped before opening too.
We do not encourage people to touch our dogs and have told our neighbors not to reach over the garden fence to stroke them!

Is that going over the top and being too carefull ? No not in my book, were just watching out for ourselves!

 

[JudyN]

I would at least consider it, taking into account your sister's lifestyle and family (e.g. kids going into school and potentially bringing germs home) and how likely she is to clean really thoroughly before she goes. There comes a point where we're far less likely to catch covid and die or pass it on than we would be to catch seasonal flu in normal times - which we tend not to think twice about.

But this is ME. It's an individual choice, and everyone has the right to decide what feels safe for them and have their opinions respected. In your sister's position, I might try to convince you it would be safe, but if you still weren't happy with it, I'd accept that. She could hire a professional dog sitter?

 

[Hemlock]

Everyone makes their own decisions based on their own life experiences and situation at the time of deciding. It isn't for others to question a refusal, and the reasons for refusing should neither be asked nor challenged. That's basic good manners, though seldom seen. "No" should be good enough.

 

[Jack-Russell-Lover]

Thank you for your replies.
excuseme - Glad to know we are not the only ones wiping shopping packages, post etc (forgot that part)! Exactly you're doing all the right things to protect yourselves.
JudyN - I did consider it before it was pointed out to me that people shouldn't go into other's houses (even if they aren't there). Also it is not just my decision I have others to consider and I know without even having to ask that they would not be happy with it so that's why I've said no.
I don't know what she will do, they're dog friendly so they could take them but would need to make other arrangements for their cat and rats. She hasn't replied to me since I said no.
Hemlock - Yes exactly, no should be enough and not questioned or challenged.

 

[paperweight]

i would also say no. i've chosen to do some risky things that are important to me (i've resumed my studies, i'm doing physiotherapy for an acute injury). the trade off is i don't do anything else. no student activities, no outdoor socializing, no in person grocery shopping. just school, PT, solo walks, and sitting in my room.

facilitating my sister's weekend away wouldn't be important enough to me to take even a small additional risk for myself and others.

on the question of being too careful, well. your sister is likely disappointed that you've said no to her request and stands to gain by convincing you that you are being too careful. i wouldn't put too much stock in her comments. do what's right for you and your household.

i do think it's important to balance managing covid risk and other risks. if you were delaying getting a new and worrying medical symptom checked out, i might call that too careful.

i hope the argument blows over quickly and that your sister finds someone else to house sit. above all, i hope both of you and your respective households stay well.

 

[JudyN]

I was overlooking the aspect that we won't be allowed to go into other people's houses for some time yet - I wouldn't do it for that reason alone. the more people 'bend' or break the rules, the longer this situation goes on, and the human cost is far greater than a missed holiday.

 

[Flobo]

Just a little point, but if she won a weekend away, that's not actually classed as essential travel is it? Or is it being postponed until stay-cations are allowed?? I'm not up on the rules for holidaying as I never go away!
But I have to agree with Hemlock, a no should be respected, regardless and it is a basic human right to be able to say no and not feel guilty...I believe, anyway..

 

[Jack-Russell-Lover]

Thank you all for your supportive comments, they've made me feel a lot better.
I still have not heard from her, I said no, then she basically said the stuff about us being too careful and also some nasty things that I don't want to get into and had the cheek to ask again after saying those hurtful things. That's when I replied with a long list of things we do to keep safe and that I'm not willing to risk people's safety and said no a second time etc. So she not only said hurtful things she's now ignoring me. Because I said no? Because she knows she's in the wrong? I don't know. I'm quite upset that such a silly thing has caused this. And after such a tough week as well.

Self contained holidays should be allowed soon after today if they think the situation is good enough.
This is another thing I didn't mention, this 'weekend away' is to a cottage 3.5 miles away from their house!! And it's for mid April.

 

[JudyN]

This is another thing I didn't mention, this 'weekend away' is to a cottage 3.5 miles away from their house!! And it's for mid April.

So they could take the dog, and pop back once or twice a day to feed the cat and rats?

This is a difficult time for so many people, even those who are still able to work and haven't lost loved ones. I would try to tell yourself that she's finding lockdown particularly hard, hence how she's reacting, and try to stay kind, because this really isn't the time for family feuds and fallouts. I hope she comes to see reason.

 

[lurcherman]

When there’s a elderly person to think of for me it would be a big no, the reason why so many have died is a lot of inconsiderate people and lack of respect for this disease, this ain’t going away , if she wants to go then see yer but don’t bring danger to another persons door ., you did the right thing,

 

[Jack-Russell-Lover]

I forgot that I hadn't replied to this since.
It is not going away for sure and people need to be considerate and smart but unfortunately a lot of people are not.
We didn't speak for a few months and then she did messaged me eventually and we made up so all is good....I never did ask about that trip and what they did haha

 

[JudyN]

I'm glad you made up, JRL

Yes, there's so much complacency now, but case numbers are still scary. And although getting jabbed is a no-brainer, it doesn't give 100% protection. Mr N might be going back in to the office in a couple of weeks, but he's told his boss he won't be going to the Xmas lunch - crowded pub, squashed in together, shouting at point-blank range to be heard, alcohol... what could possibly go wrong?

 

[Hemlock]

Sensible decision!

 

[excuseme]

We can't be "too careful"
I just wish that our daughter who left her long time partner around March time and came back home for somewhere to live, would have more care and consideration about what she does and who she mixes with and then comes home to us !!
She uses NO precautions she has had 2 vaccinations and considers herself safe Hmm.
We have had our 2 vaccinations but still do not consider ourselves as "safe", 3rd vaccinations this weekend.
I think she should consider our health a lot more than she does. We are in our 70s and she is 42. (old enough to respect us better! )

Am I being un reasonable thinking this way ?

.

 

[Flobo]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! She chose to come back and stay with you in her present situation therefore she should be considering your health and well being and not putting you at risk, out of respect and care...in my humble opinion of course.

 

[JudyN]

I agree with Flobo - your daughter shouldn't necessarily become a hermit, but she should at least be trying to socially distance, wear a mask in crowds, and so on.

I was hoping that Mr N would be going back into the office now they've rearranged it, and I could reclaim my spare/sewing room. And I don't want to leave Jasper with him working upstairs, as J would want to go up there for the company if I went out, but can't do stairs any more, so he'd probably just yowl... But now Mr N has decided he'll probably stay home longer, because looking at case numbers, almost as soon as he'd lugged all his stuff and test rig into work, they're likely to ask them to work from home again if they can. He's also said that he won't be going to the works Xmas do. Everyone sitting next to each other with masks off, having to shout into people's ears to be heard above the general noise... It sounds like a perfect recipe for spreading disease - not necessarily covid, but seasonal flu. And we've just been told our seasonal flu jabs have been cancelled because of supply issues...

 

[Tinytom]

We had our flu jabs last month as our pharmacist said there maybe a short supply ...my dad had his booster mum has hers booked in for Saturday. ...
We have been acting as before as my dad is having radiotherapy. ..
@excuseme ...i think you are a saint ..

 

[excuseme]

We've had our seasonal flu jabs, it's just our covid boosters this weekend that we need.
We wear our face masks when were walking in town and always in shops.

Our daughter has been to an open air concert this summer and has paid a deposit to go to her firms xmas party.
Of course she should have a social life and hopefully at some time , find another man

I would also like her to respect us and realise that we are trying to help her by making room for her after being away for 15 to 20 years.
She is very selfish and only appears to care about herself . We would hate to see her properly homeless and sleeping rough on the street.
.

 

[excuseme]

Just to add. My husband and myself have both had heart attacks, so there is even more reason for her to take our health more seriously.!!