The Most Dog Friendly Community Online
Join and Discover the Best Things to do with your Dog

Register

Goodbye Jasper

JudyN said:
We said goodbye to Jasper this afternoon - although he still loved his food and walks, his dementia meant he was distressed almost all of the rest of the time. Today was better, and he managed a lovely long sleep late morning, then a lovely long walk to two local parks, and then we went to the vets, armed with sausage rolls and cheese & ham croissants.

Ideally he'd have gone to sleep at home, but it would take longer to arrange - and although he was anxious at the vet, it wasn't as bad as his distress at home. The vet gave him an extra-large dose of sedative knowing that he would fight it as much as he could, and he was soon asleep. I am happy that we gave him the best life, and that we made the right decision at the right time. But oh, it hurts when I remember that I don't have to save him the last bit of my sandwich, or that I can leave food out without it getting pinched. Reminders like that are going to floor me for a long time to come.

I'm hitting the gin tonight - and I never drink.....
Click to expand...

Judy I am so sorry to read this, thinking of you all (hope you didn’t have too much of a hangover)

Run free at rainbow bridge Jasper xx
 
JudyN said:
Jasper was like Mary Poppins... bear with me on this... ;)

He blew into our lives, and turned them upside down. He taught us so much - everything I know about dog behaviour and training, how there is no such thing as a bad dog, just a dog with inconvenient coping strategies. Before he came, I thought that my fibromyalgia meant that I wasn't up to a lot of walking but, hey, he was supposed to be my son's, and someone told me that lurchers just need a couple of half-hour strolls a day... By gradually increasing the length of his walks, I discovered that I could actually walk for miles, up hill and down dale (but mostly uphill!). He showed me the beauty of the open spaces pretty much on our doorstep, and taught me that mud doesn't matter, that rain doesn't stop you going out for a walk, and that it's OK to sleep in gritty sheets when he's 'remade' the bed. He's taught me about patience, and that I have the strength to keep going when things are tough. He made me appreciate even more just how wonderful Mr N is - he didn't really want a dog, and was assured he'd never have to walk it, or pick up poos... He walked J most weekends to give me a break when he was really challenging, he gave him a long walk before work every day when I had knee problems, and he never, ever moaned or complained, or suggested maybe we should give up, even when he got a bad bite after an argument over a bread roll in a plastic bag.

Through him, I have made some great friends, both online and offline. I am healthier than I have been for decades and, I confess, I can really appreciate the luxury of being able to do what I want, when I want.

Most of all, of course, he taught me about love. Unconditional love, I guess.

And then, when the time was right, he blew out of our lives, having shown us how to live. His job was done, and he couldn't have done it any better. In time, I want to think of him not with sadness, but as a joy who was with us for many years, and who changed our lives for the better in every way.
Click to expand...
My God, you’ve summed the partnership to the letter, JudyN. X
 
Will we ever be able to finish a tub of coleslaw and not think 'Ooh, Jasper will love licking this clean' and then remembering, or eat a pizza and not plan to save him a bit of crust? Will we ever hear the doorbell and not get up to answer it sloooooooowly and calmly, so as not to set him off? Will we ever be able to leave the door into the garage open and not have that niggling worry that there's unprotected food in there?

Thinking about it, possibly not - I've always had an urge to avoid saying 'biscuits' as the Yorkie we had when I was a child could hear it from two rooms away, even when she'd gone deaf...
 
It’s all these incidental things that bring it back - doors you don’t have to close and being able to say “squirrel” without a cacophony of squeeaming (that’s whippet screaming). It’s early days, JudyN. Keep the faith. You couldn’t have done better for him. Hugs to you both.
 
Thank you, RGC. Yes, I know it will take a long, long time.

It's harder at the moment as I have covid - not badly, but I don't feel great. Mr N is fine (so far....) but it means we can't go out places, and take our minds off things. We did go for a short walk round the block this afternoon - unfortunately we bumped into a dear friend in her 90s, with her dog and her daughter. She knew J since he was a pup, and used to have a lurcher called Lofty, who was J's first friend. That was a difficult conversation to have from a distance of at least 4 metres, not helped by the fact that she's pretty deaf, so her daughter had to translate! At least it gave us an excuse to go our separate ways early, before our eyes started leaking...
 
A friend came round for coffee this afternoon - I did try to keep my distance, though I shouldn't be infectious any more. She gave me this, which she'd had made from a photo she took of Jasper. It's beautiful, and I absolutely love it. I cried. Actually, I cried quite a lot while she was here, but it was so good to share memories, she knew Jasper so well.

52085530752_88c36ab3c9_c.jpg


She was a bit shocked when she realised that the phone symbols appeared on the lower section, but for me that adds to its authenticity, and its 'provenance' to use the posh word:emoji_blue_heart:

She also took a huge box of 'dog stuff' including a pile of medications she can pass on to someone she knows at a dog sanctuary, and loads of treats etc. for her dogs, plus a raised dog bed that will be perfect for them. Mr R found it hard to see so much of Jasper's things go, but I'm glad they will benefit other dogs.
 
JudyN said:
We said goodbye to Jasper this afternoon - although he still loved his food and walks, his dementia meant he was distressed almost all of the rest of the time. Today was better, and he managed a lovely long sleep late morning, then a lovely long walk to two local parks, and then we went to the vets, armed with sausage rolls and cheese & ham croissants.

Ideally he'd have gone to sleep at home, but it would take longer to arrange - and although he was anxious at the vet, it wasn't as bad as his distress at home. The vet gave him an extra-large dose of sedative knowing that he would fight it as much as he could, and he was soon asleep. I am happy that we gave him the best life, and that we made the right decision at the right time. But oh, it hurts when I remember that I don't have to save him the last bit of my sandwich, or that I can leave food out without it getting pinched. Reminders like that are going to floor me for a long time to come.

I'm hitting the gin tonight - and I never drink.....
Click to expand...
 
JudyN, I am heartbroken for you! I am also so happy that you had the time that you did with Jasper, he really was a lucky boy to have you as his 'mommy' you really understood him and listened to him from the sounds of your posts! You have learned so much and shared so much of your knowledge with us all. Goodbye Jasper, Thank you for touching so many lives
 
JudyN said:
Uhhhh.... the physical effects of grief: my eyes hurt, my head aches, my muscles ache, I feel exhausted, I'm perpetually thirsty, my appetite is variable... a lot of this is down to crying, my posture having gone to pot and early waking. Also, we're doing housework (there's a lot to catch up on and my washing pile is ridiculous), gardening, and walking even further than previously to distract ourselves. We're going to some local gardens this afternoon which don't allow dogs in, so at least there will be no reminders there.

I'm walking to a pub with DIL for coffee tomorrow morning. She's a great believer in letting it all out and will probably feel she's not done her job properly if we don't shed tears. But I switch between stoic, rational, coping (possibly bottling it up) mode and snot-&-tears mode with little warning and to be honest, the former is less painful.

Happy thoughts: We've arranged to spend a few days at my mum's next month - she has a cataract op booked and it will mean that my brother won't have to make a very long trip to be there for at least the first night. We'll be able to visit lots of rellies who we haven't seen for a few years. Also, DS2&DIL had fancied a Center Parcs holiday later in the year but realised it was too expensive for them. Now the plan is that we'll all go so we can split the cost, which will work out a lot less. So lots to look forward to, but right now, it really is hard and painful. As it should be, I guess. No idea how long the pain will go on for, but I'm not going to set any expectations, for me or Mr N. He's not much better than me.
Click to expand...
 
it tears at your very soul doesn't it! It takes as long as it takes to stabilise your emotions! Everyone is different and it is something you cannot control. (bit like a leaping puppy!) Good times, bad times, mixes of laughter and tears abound in memories!

Whilst Jasper is no longer physically at your side, I believe he will be at your heel, seeking the next deer to chase off after, in spirit! Keep him close in your heart - always! xx
 
JudyN said:
I have, but I think if I wanted something like that, I'd rather use the hair that Mr N rescued from his brush, worried I might clean it - there would be more 'actual Jasper' in it. I could put some in a locket, but I'm not really a locket sort of person. I also thought of a tattoo, but I probably won't - I'm not good with pain!

We have his collar, and Mr N also insisted on keeping his purple muzzle, which was J's favourite... we might also choose a photo of him and get it framed.
Click to expand...


Always in your heart and your soul!
 
We scattered Jasper's ashes last week at the heath, and oh boy did I find it hard. I couldn't sprinkle them round the pond - he loved to cool off in it, but wouldn't go out of his depth, and rather irrationally, I think I was worried about the ashes drifting out to the middle....

I sat on the far side of the pond, back to the others, rubbing his ashes into my hands as if I could absorb him. After a while my son came and sat down by me, saying nothing, just being there. After a few minutes he asked if he should go, saying that he was useless at this sort of thing, never knowing what to say. But what he had done - just being there with me - was perfect. So if you ever want to comfort someone but not know what to say - it doesn't matter, please, just be there with them.

I was then able to sprinkle some ashes in the old sand/clay pits, where he'd had some wonderful zoomies in his younger days.

Something else I wasn't expecting - we had a terrific storm on Saturday night, which shook the house. I should have been glad that Jasper didn't have to suffer through it, but all I could think about was how scared he would have been, which upset me. It was never easy to reassure him when there were storms in the night as he really didn't appreciate being touched while he was on his bed.

I'm sure we'll have many more moments like these. Mr N and I can go on walks with other people, or together, and we're fine. If we go out separately on our own but have a distraction (he'll take his litter picker, I'll take my camera) we're fine. But if we 'just go for a walk', the thoughts creep back in...

Overall, though, we're fine. And it is lovely to be able to do things we couldn't before. We went to a Jubilee garden party on Saturday and were there for 7 hours. We even survived several of our neighbours asking how he was doing... Despite that, twice I looked at my watch wondering if we needed to get back because we'd left him too long....

There is absolutely no 'right way' to do this. For anyone going through similar, just accept the process and go with it. I believe the body does a fine balance of blocking out feelings you're not ready to deal with, and letting them creep in when you have a few more reserves. But like intensive physiotherapy on an injured joint, there will be times when it ruddy well hurts.
 
Have you thought of planting something in your garden in Jasper's memory, maybe utilise one of his holes? Watching new life grow, bloom or be enticing for bugs can be quite a nice thing to aid the healing... over time...
 
JudyN said:
We said goodbye to Jasper this afternoon - although he still loved his food and walks, his dementia meant he was distressed almost all of the rest of the time. Today was better, and he managed a lovely long sleep late morning, then a lovely long walk to two local parks, and then we went to the vets, armed with sausage rolls and cheese & ham croissants.

Ideally he'd have gone to sleep at home, but it would take longer to arrange - and although he was anxious at the vet, it wasn't as bad as his distress at home. The vet gave him an extra-large dose of sedative knowing that he would fight it as much as he could, and he was soon asleep. I am happy that we gave him the best life, and that we made the right decision at the right time. But oh, it hurts when I remember that I don't have to save him the last bit of my sandwich, or that I can leave food out without it getting pinched. Reminders like that are going to floor me for a long time to come.

I'm hitting the gin tonight - and I never drink.....
Click to expand...
Hi Judy, I am have just logged on after a hiatus, I'm so very sorry to hear this sad news :(
 
I do have some forget-me-not seeds that YuMove sent after I cancelled my subscription (and ticked the appropriate box to give the reason). I really should think where to plant them - but they like moist soil and ours is dry. Maybe in a container, but I try to avoid a proliferation of containers as I get fed up with having to water them!

I was thinking this morning that I'm (mostly) able to shove my feelings in a box and stuff it at the back of the wardrobe, to take out and look in when I feel it's safe to do so. Mr N, though, still feels sad a lot of the time - pretty much any time he isn't distracted by something else.

On the plus side, when we go and stay with my mum later this month, he's happy to take us both shopping to Cribbs Causeway as he'd expect to be having a really miserable time there anyway:D
 
Pam99 said:
Hi Judy, I am have just logged on after a hiatus, I'm so very sorry to hear this sad news :(
Click to expand...

Thank you Pam :) Of course, it comes to almost all pet owners eventually, and is so much better than the alternative (us dying before them). It's never easy, though.
 
JudyN said:
I do have some forget-me-not seeds that YuMove sent after I cancelled my subscription (and ticked the appropriate box to give the reason). I really should think where to plant them - but they like moist soil and ours is dry. Maybe in a container, but I try to avoid a proliferation of containers as I get fed up with having to water them!

I was thinking this morning that I'm (mostly) able to shove my feelings in a box and stuff it at the back of the wardrobe, to take out and look in when I feel it's safe to do so. Mr N, though, still feels sad a lot of the time - pretty much any time he isn't distracted by something else.

On the plus side, when we go and stay with my mum later this month, he's happy to take us both shopping to Cribbs Causeway as he'd expect to be having a really miserable time there anyway:D
Click to expand...
Cribbs Causeway! Now there’s a reason to call the Samaritans. Mr N could have a geeky time on the ground floor of John Lewis.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top