First time puppy owner

[Feverfew]

What is ideal is that he is confident in his human companions, and knows that they will help him if he needs it, but is sufficiently independent to make most of his own decisions, based on his instinctive life skills. For example, you physically moved him to the 'comfy bed' from the sofa and he slept. That's a success in your book, because you got what you wanted. It's a failure in mine, because you over rode his instincts and he didn't make that decision himself, which he otherwise may well do, in his own time.

Forgive me, but Dug can't be confident in you if this slightly punitive attitude persists. It depends ultimately on the place a dog has in your life. An animal you are worried about 'spoiling' because you are being kind to him? Or an animal that has the autonomy and confidence to sleep alone because he knows you are there if he ever needs help? Is obedience and conformity more important than Dug's happiness and security?

Bluntly, your choice. And I am very.mindful of the huge efforts you are putting in, and that is a big positive. It's just that these efforts are taking you off course.

 

[JoanneF]

But am I best to stop spoiling him with my duvet and chest?

At this stage, it's fine to practically wear your puppy. Independence will come later, there's plenty of time for that. But it will come sooner if he feels braver, and he will feel braver if he knows you have his back. So being there for him when he needs you right now is fine.

 

[Feverfew]

Exactly as above: Joanne has expressed in a couple of sentences what I was trying to get across in a very over long post!

 

[leejaneagles]

Thanks. Just a small correction though, Dug got in his comfy bed completely by himself whilst I was off the sofa and let me stroke him to sleep. It was only when I got up to go to the sofa that he followed me and jumped up (and I immediately let him on my chest). There was no putting of Dug anywhere and my question was should I be forcing him away from the sofa, to which you've both answered no so glad to know I done the right thing

 

[leejaneagles]

And I've added a bed for where he sleeps on the floor at my feet when I work. Love him here! I am doing my best to put his needs first, but me being home unfortunately is a short term option and he'll be left for around 4 hours on some weekdays in a couple of months. So I do need to get ahead of separation anxiety training eventually. I hope you can understand.

 

[Tinytom]

Can you get some body to pop in to break the 4 hours up when you go back to work ....

 

[leejaneagles]

Unfortunately, that is with someone breaking up the day already. I will never leave him 8 hours and I wouldn't have got him if that was going to happen but I will have someone popping in midday way through the day, probably a walk as well. My wife works from home Monday's and Fridays and I can usually work from home 1-2 days per week, so we're talking 1-2 days max per week. Also, this isn't between now and 16 weeks just to be clear. He's going to have someone with him 24/7 all the way through to him being fully vaccinated and being able to go on a walk in the morning.

 

[Hemlock]

You can't get ahead of it, or manage it with your own work schedule. You can only move to his schedule. Rather like if you were really really scared about something (room full of snakes?) and I told you you'd better get over it in xx weeks because then you'd be shut in with the snakes for several hours, and I wouldn't be there.

I am NOT criticising what you have done so far - it's as new for you as it is for him, and you have already made huge progress. That's impressive. But please see him for what he is - a frightened juvenile completely out of his depth with all the stresses of his new life and no idea how to cope.

Given your prospective absence a short time in the future, I'd say find a KNOWLEDGEABLE extra human who can babysit him for those scary four hours when you are away and he has otherwise no-one to help him. Introduce them as soon as you can, stay with pup until he has definitely absorbed the presence of a new human, then set up the leaving him very gradually as in out of the room then straight back, building on that by degrees. Be careful who you choose as pretty near everybody thinks they know "all about" dog behaviour, when in reality there aren't that many. Is there scope for leaving him with his breeder and other pups?

I see I've cross-posted. You are making some helpful changes, so please take this in the spirit it is intended.

 

[Feverfew]

Thanks. Just a small correction though, Dug got in his comfy bed completely by himself whilst I was off the sofa and let me stroke him to sleep. It was only when I got up to go to the sofa that he followed me and jumped up (and I immediately let him on my chest). There was no putting of Dug anywhere and my question was should I be forcing him away from the sofa, to which you've both answered no so glad to know I done the right thing

Ah I misunderstood, apologies. Yes, you definitely did the right thing there (though it is better if he gets up on the sofa himself on your invitation, if he's physically able to. It's the difference between being independent and being coerced or forced - however kindly.)

"The second I moved to the sofa and was ruffling the duvet, he was jumping up trying to get on. I didn't wait to see if he'd stop or sleep in the bed right next to me, I picked the little guy up and put him on the sofa."

'wait to see' is exactly what you need to do, rather than anticipating everything with your own agenda.

 

[JudyN]

I can't remember if I've posted this article here before, but it has info on separation anxiety: Separation anxiety

You're still right at stage 1, or course - or even stage 0, as for now your aim might simply be for him to not feel the need to shadow you the whole time, and that, paradoxically, will come through you allowing him to follow you. But it should give you an idea of the progression, and how it has to be at his speed, not yours.

I wouldn't get hung up over who he seems most attached to - there's lots of people who feel quite hurt and betrayed because they always feed/play with/walk etc. the dog and the dog seems to show a preference for the other partner. You and your wife have your own roles to play in Dug's life, and he may or may not respond to you differently at different times, but it's not worth worrying about. It is what it is.

 

[JoanneF]

I'm just going to throw in that I don't think puppy clinginess even counts as separation anxiety. It's a normal behaviour in infants.

 

[leejaneagles]

Thank you! I think I really needed to hear that. Maybe I’m just too concerned with him getting anxiety and he won’t even have it!

 

[JudyN]

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that he already had SA - just that by starting from where he is, and always working within what he is comfortable is, you can do a lot to avoid SA, and more easily transition from where you are now to where you hope to be in the future.

 

[Feverfew]

Thank you! I think I really needed to hear that. Maybe I’m just too concerned with him getting anxiety and he won’t even have it!

You are doing fine by asking the questions, thinking about the advice and being open to making some changes based on what you see.

It's understandable that as a first time owner you will have some concerns - most advice on the internet is pretty poor, so are many books, and don't even think of watching TV programmes about dog training - they are 30 years out of date. So you are in the right place - the advice and resources on here are impressive (not necessarily my advice, I should add, but in general!).