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great stories, enjoyed reading them all, didnt know u had a book coming out.. were can it be purchased in ireland or do we send away for it? :thumbsup:
Rose
Rose
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Autobiography
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Hi Rose, I think Tommys cousins the O'Rileys who live in Northen Ireland are the agents over there and I do beleive they are selling them at all the Greyhound tracks, thanks for your enquiryMiss Madam said:great stories, enjoyed reading them all, didnt know u had a book coming out.. were can it be purchased in ireland or do we send away for it? :thumbsup:
Rose
ps I will send you a book token Geoff :thumbsup:
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[SIZE=14pt]Billy the Budgie[/SIZE]
It was a bitterly cold November day and I decided to nip round to Tommys ,hoping that he would lend me a couple of buckets of coal(He used to work delivering coal to old age pensioners)Porr pensioners!!
I hadn't seen him all weekend cos he'd been out on the **** with his drinking buddy Ricky Bentley(Who also used to be on the coal lorry)
When they got together there was never a dull moment.Ricky was what my mother used to call "A long haired hippy"But he was an easy going and likeable lad who would do ought for anybody.
I knocked on the front door "come in "yelled Tommy
I went in ,and sat on the settee was Joan his niece and her other half Michael as usual."Tommy,have you got any coal to spare?"I asked
"coal to spare ,I've got two ton buried in the garden"Tommy sniggered with that devilish look on his face.
Are you going to Bruce and Di's later Tommy ?"
"yes about 5ish"he said
He normally went round to Bruce & Di's for his tea on a Monday.
Di made a lovely home made cake and she was a dab hand in the kitchen.
Bruce used to be a football referee you know ,but he got sacked by the FA because he blew his whistle too much.
I've never seen anyone hand out so many yellow cards in my life as Bruce.One footballer shoved Bruces whistle were the sun doesn't shine (w00t) .It was so funny when Bruce passed wind,he didn't fart he whistled Quite embarassing for poor old Di :b .
They did let Bruce keep his new whistle as a souvenir!
Anyway we all sat there drinking tea and having the crack.
"Did I ever tell you about Tony Warren?"said Tommy
"no who's he?"I said
"He's my half brother"
"half brother"I said puzzled"Why ,as your mam or dad been married before?"
"No Fletch,I just call him my half brother because he was a foot soldier in world war 2,in North Africa when he accidently stood on a effing land mine and got his legs blown off from the hips".
"Do you get it Fletch ,Half brother?"he said with that cheeky grin on his face.
I didn't know wether to laugh or not.
"He breeds budgies you know Fletch""I remember when you had a budgie off him Tom .Billy wasn't it?"I asked
"What happened to him?"
The story went like this
He originally christened the budgie Betty,because he thought it was a breeding hen as Tony had told him.
Betty seemed quite content sitting on her perch chirpping away
Tommy said it wouldn't be long till she was whistling like Roger effin Whittaker.
He planned that when she started laying he could make abit of money out of selling the chicks.
I remember the thursday evening well!Sitting in Tommys was me,Joan,Michael,Denise,Gaz,and Ricky.Tommy proudly showed off his home made nesting box that he made for Betty.He'd fixed it to the side of her cage
In the nest box he had put straw cotten wool and twigs.
The crack was good as per usual
Later on while Tommy was in the kitchen making us all a cuppa,Ricky took out a packet of mini eggs from his pocket.
He made his way over to Bettys'cage and lifted the lid of the nest box.He dropped the egg in,closed the lid and sat back down.
Tommy came back and handed round the tea.betty must hasve slipped into the nest box to investigate the mystery object.
Ricky chose his moment carefully,and I just hoped Joan wouldn't give the game away.
"Hey Tommy,where's Betty?"he asked.
He looked in the cage and couldn't see her .He then lifted the lid of the nesting box and Betty hopped out,much to Tommys relief.
He was just about to close the lid when he eyeballed it.
He nearly hit the roof.
He threw his arms in the air,and danced and skipped around the living room like Michael Flatley!
"Bettys laid an egg"he sang "Bettys laid an egg".
He danced back across the room to where the cage was.
"Look everyone"he insisted
We all had a look and had to agree with him,there was an egg in the nest right enough.
I still wonder to this day how we managed to keep a straight face.
On the next Tuesday morning,while I was passing Tommys house,he came storming out of his front door.He had steam pouring out of his ears.He said Betty wasn't sitting on her egg and she hadn't laid any more either.also the egg was a weird colour,purple speckled with green spots.
he also let it slip he was attempting to hatch the egg himself
I immediately had visions that he had built a big nest in the living room and he was sitting crossed legged on it at night with the egg under him.
Maybe he had acquired a budgie suit too.With tommy being Tommy ,you could never be sure
He was maybe even sat whistling.
TO BE CONTINUED
It was a bitterly cold November day and I decided to nip round to Tommys ,hoping that he would lend me a couple of buckets of coal(He used to work delivering coal to old age pensioners)Porr pensioners!!
I hadn't seen him all weekend cos he'd been out on the **** with his drinking buddy Ricky Bentley(Who also used to be on the coal lorry)
When they got together there was never a dull moment.Ricky was what my mother used to call "A long haired hippy"But he was an easy going and likeable lad who would do ought for anybody.
I knocked on the front door "come in "yelled Tommy
I went in ,and sat on the settee was Joan his niece and her other half Michael as usual."Tommy,have you got any coal to spare?"I asked
"coal to spare ,I've got two ton buried in the garden"Tommy sniggered with that devilish look on his face.
Are you going to Bruce and Di's later Tommy ?"
"yes about 5ish"he said
He normally went round to Bruce & Di's for his tea on a Monday.
Di made a lovely home made cake and she was a dab hand in the kitchen.
Bruce used to be a football referee you know ,but he got sacked by the FA because he blew his whistle too much.
I've never seen anyone hand out so many yellow cards in my life as Bruce.One footballer shoved Bruces whistle were the sun doesn't shine (w00t) .It was so funny when Bruce passed wind,he didn't fart he whistled Quite embarassing for poor old Di :b .
They did let Bruce keep his new whistle as a souvenir!
Anyway we all sat there drinking tea and having the crack.
"Did I ever tell you about Tony Warren?"said Tommy
"no who's he?"I said
"He's my half brother"
"half brother"I said puzzled"Why ,as your mam or dad been married before?"
"No Fletch,I just call him my half brother because he was a foot soldier in world war 2,in North Africa when he accidently stood on a effing land mine and got his legs blown off from the hips".
"Do you get it Fletch ,Half brother?"he said with that cheeky grin on his face.
I didn't know wether to laugh or not.
"He breeds budgies you know Fletch""I remember when you had a budgie off him Tom .Billy wasn't it?"I asked
"What happened to him?"
The story went like this
He originally christened the budgie Betty,because he thought it was a breeding hen as Tony had told him.
Betty seemed quite content sitting on her perch chirpping away
Tommy said it wouldn't be long till she was whistling like Roger effin Whittaker.
He planned that when she started laying he could make abit of money out of selling the chicks.
I remember the thursday evening well!Sitting in Tommys was me,Joan,Michael,Denise,Gaz,and Ricky.Tommy proudly showed off his home made nesting box that he made for Betty.He'd fixed it to the side of her cage
In the nest box he had put straw cotten wool and twigs.
The crack was good as per usual
Later on while Tommy was in the kitchen making us all a cuppa,Ricky took out a packet of mini eggs from his pocket.
He made his way over to Bettys'cage and lifted the lid of the nest box.He dropped the egg in,closed the lid and sat back down.
Tommy came back and handed round the tea.betty must hasve slipped into the nest box to investigate the mystery object.
Ricky chose his moment carefully,and I just hoped Joan wouldn't give the game away.
"Hey Tommy,where's Betty?"he asked.
He looked in the cage and couldn't see her .He then lifted the lid of the nesting box and Betty hopped out,much to Tommys relief.
He was just about to close the lid when he eyeballed it.
He nearly hit the roof.
He threw his arms in the air,and danced and skipped around the living room like Michael Flatley!
"Bettys laid an egg"he sang "Bettys laid an egg".
He danced back across the room to where the cage was.
"Look everyone"he insisted
We all had a look and had to agree with him,there was an egg in the nest right enough.
I still wonder to this day how we managed to keep a straight face.
On the next Tuesday morning,while I was passing Tommys house,he came storming out of his front door.He had steam pouring out of his ears.He said Betty wasn't sitting on her egg and she hadn't laid any more either.also the egg was a weird colour,purple speckled with green spots.
he also let it slip he was attempting to hatch the egg himself
I immediately had visions that he had built a big nest in the living room and he was sitting crossed legged on it at night with the egg under him.
Maybe he had acquired a budgie suit too.With tommy being Tommy ,you could never be sure
He was maybe even sat whistling.
TO BE CONTINUED
Great,,b****y great (w00t)
I have told John to read this topic, but as of yet, he's had not time ,,His mum is ill and with working late shifts too. Tonight I sat laughing my head off, he's now got a day off tomorrow to go and fetch a few thing's from Santa :- " and he's going to read it all, If I let him on the pc :lol: :lol:
Hope Billy does not end Dead too :blink: :- " :lol: :lol:
Great reading :thumbsup:
I have told John to read this topic, but as of yet, he's had not time
,,His mum is ill and with working late shifts too. Tonight I sat laughing my head off, he's now got a day off tomorrow to go and fetch a few thing's from Santa :- " and he's going to read it all, If I let him on the pc :lol: :lol:Hope Billy does not end Dead too :blink: :- "
:lol: :lol:Great reading :thumbsup:
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brilliant :thumbsup:
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Oh best one yet Geoff!!! (w00t) :lol: (w00t) :lol:
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nice one geoff :thumbsup:
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that's a ' cracker ' geoff :thumbsup:
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Anyone else wondering what's befallen Billy the Budgie?? :- "
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DENISE BAILEY said:Jeff was hard at it today with a note pad and pen, i seen him writing away quite content, sure he was working on his new book
Ye,h and i see he's wearing that old coat that he stole of Tommy Riely when he was drunk on that old elderberry wine.Keep em coming Fletch....Billy....
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Sit tight it won't be long (w00t)wild whippies said:
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Hurry up lol (w00t)
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Just cooking Hazels dinner, sit tight
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(w00t) If its taken you this long to cook Hazels dinner she must think her throat cut (w00t) 
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[SIZE=14pt]Billy the budgie [/SIZE]Part 2
Afew days later,I decided to call at Tommys again.
On entering,it was like the AGM,There was Joan Michael Dee Gary Ricky Bruce and Di,and tucked away in the corner was Linda(Tommys ex-girlfriend) :b
"Ey up Fletch,sit thee arse down,if you can find a pew"said Tommy
"new settee Tommy?"I enquired
"No Fletch,Lindas re-covered it for me""very nice Tommy" I said
"What with blood,dog pee,and budgie shit,It needed something doing to it"
"I love the pattern"I said
"Looks like a chess board Tommy"
"Yea I love it meself"
Tommy seemed in a much better mood than the other day,Betty still hadn't laid anymore eggs,but Linda was going to take Tommy to Ian Taylors the vets,to get her sorted,hopefully!!
Tommy had told Bruce and Di about Betty not wanting to sit on her egg,so they had kindly brought him an incubator round.
Things seemed to be looking up,soon he would be able to make abit of money.
We all sat round having a laugh.Tommy and Ricky were reminiscing about the days on the coal lorry.
"Do you remember Polly the parrot"Ricky asked
"Do I"said Tommy
"Should I tell you all the tale?"said Tommy
The story went like this........
When they were delivering the bags of coal,they would short load the oap's
(18 bags instead of 20)
This particular day,the old lady Sheila was stood beside the coal bunker counting the bags as they dropped them in.Ricky said to Tommy"You've got to distract her Tom from counting the bags""Keep her talking "
Sheila had got a parrot outside in a cage,Tommy said"Lovley parrot Sheila"
"Yes he's an African Grey"said Sheila proudly
"How old is she?"asked Tom
"She's 18"
"Can it talk?"
and the parrot replied"Yes ,and it can count...Another 2 bags!".
We all thought that was hilarious,and Bruce nearly handed the fags out.
Right ,back to poor Betty.
Linda asked Tommy if he was ready for going to the vets.
"Yes"said Tommy"I'll just get that empty cornflake box to put her in"
Just as Tommy got to the back door with the box he said"I'm bursting for a pee Linda"
He gave Linda the box and she went and started the van up,putting Betty on the passenger seat.
I bet you can't guess what happened next?
They did still go to the vets ,but it was only to see if he could revive poor Betty.
Needless to say ,he coudn't.
What had happened,Tommy came rning out of the house like Billy Whizz,and not seeing the box on the seat,sat on it.................Poor Betty.Crushed to death
At least the vet did explain why she hadn't sat on the egg .............
SHE was infact a HE
and the rest is history
But Tommy got his own back on Ricky
TO BE CONTINUED............
Afew days later,I decided to call at Tommys again.
On entering,it was like the AGM,There was Joan Michael Dee Gary Ricky Bruce and Di,and tucked away in the corner was Linda(Tommys ex-girlfriend) :b
"Ey up Fletch,sit thee arse down,if you can find a pew"said Tommy
"new settee Tommy?"I enquired
"No Fletch,Lindas re-covered it for me""very nice Tommy"
I said"What with blood,dog pee,and budgie shit,It needed something doing to it"
"I love the pattern"I said
"Looks like a chess board Tommy"
"Yea I love it meself"
Tommy seemed in a much better mood than the other day,Betty still hadn't laid anymore eggs,but Linda was going to take Tommy to Ian Taylors the vets,to get her sorted,hopefully!!
Tommy had told Bruce and Di about Betty not wanting to sit on her egg,so they had kindly brought him an incubator round.
Things seemed to be looking up,soon he would be able to make abit of money.
We all sat round having a laugh.Tommy and Ricky were reminiscing about the days on the coal lorry.
"Do you remember Polly the parrot"Ricky asked
"Do I"said Tommy
"Should I tell you all the tale?"said Tommy
The story went like this........
When they were delivering the bags of coal,they would short load the oap's
(18 bags instead of 20)
This particular day,the old lady Sheila was stood beside the coal bunker counting the bags as they dropped them in.Ricky said to Tommy"You've got to distract her Tom from counting the bags""Keep her talking "
Sheila had got a parrot outside in a cage,Tommy said"Lovley parrot Sheila"
"Yes he's an African Grey"said Sheila proudly
"How old is she?"asked Tom
"She's 18"
"Can it talk?"
and the parrot replied"Yes ,and it can count...Another 2 bags!".
We all thought that was hilarious,and Bruce nearly handed the fags out.
Right ,back to poor Betty.
Linda asked Tommy if he was ready for going to the vets.
"Yes"said Tommy"I'll just get that empty cornflake box to put her in"
Just as Tommy got to the back door with the box he said"I'm bursting for a pee Linda"
He gave Linda the box and she went and started the van up,putting Betty on the passenger seat.
I bet you can't guess what happened next?
They did still go to the vets ,but it was only to see if he could revive poor Betty.
Needless to say ,he coudn't.
What had happened,Tommy came rning out of the house like Billy Whizz,and not seeing the box on the seat,sat on it.................Poor Betty.Crushed to death
At least the vet did explain why she hadn't sat on the egg .............
SHE was infact a HE
and the rest is history
But Tommy got his own back on Ricky
TO BE CONTINUED............
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very funny
keep them coming :thumbsup:
keep them coming :thumbsup:
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(w00t) brill you should do a collum for whippet news
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please let him finnish the book first ive just had 15 orders from USA have you thought any more about the book cover flecthweathergirls said:
