Puppy blues

[Dora Savory]

Hello I’m Dora, I’m sixteen and I’ve wanted a puppy my whole life. My family have never owned a dog before but have dog sat once a week and a few weekends here and there for a friends dog for seven years.
My parents have always told me that we couldn’t have a dog because both of them worked full time but since my dad has been working from home due to the virus, my mum said that we could get a dog as long as she didn’t have to sort it out.
For months I spent a couple of hours a day trying to find a suitable dog; it was the thing I longed for more than anything and would do anything to get.
Two days ago we got a phone call in the morning saying that a puppy we had left a voice message about had become available and if we would like to come see her. I was so overwhelmed with happiness I cried and fell on the floor (and I am not one to cry at all!). My mum wasn’t too happy about it and didn’t want to come with me and my dad but we just thought she would get over it.
When we got there she was perfect, and my dad had to step outside to make a call to my mum as we weren’t expecting to take her home then at all. Apparently my mum said no and my dad didn’t mention it, which I only found out yesterday.
As soon as we got in the car it was a mixture of emotions. It was something I had wanted my whole life but I was very overwhelmed and sort of felt sick at the same time.
That evening was OK although my mum still wasn’t very happy and everything still felt a bit weird.
Yesterday was horrible. I felt constantly sick and sad and couldn’t stop crying. I was so overwhelmed and started to regret getting her (although I had been searching and searching for months). This was brought around by my mum saying that she wished we could take her back and that her life had been ruined. I’m felt like a had ruined everything and that the puppy would be my responsibility only and I wouldn’t have any support. Luckily my dad was there to pick up the pieces as he’s always wanted a dog too. I just feel so guilty.
In terms of the puppy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She is a gorgeous, laid back affectionate girl but I feel somewhat distant towards her. Today was different as I discovered ‘Puppy Blues’ on google and began to feel better and less stressed.
I’m just on here for reassurance really that what I’m going through is normal. Also for those who have experience it, are they any tips to get over it quickly and feel less anxious and stressed? Thank you x

 

[JudyN]

Having a puppy is a big responsibility, and a huge change in your life, so yes, it's normal to feel like this - a 'What have I done?' sort of feeling. And your mum, I'm afraid, is being unfair. Either she should veto having a puppy altogether, or she should accept it with good grace, having laid down the ground rules for who is going to care for it. But then it's a big change for her too and she may feel she's been browbeaten into this.

Can I ask what happens when your dad goes back to work, and you go to school, and also when you leave home to go to college or similar? It would be unfair to expect your mum to look after pup all day if she doesn't want to, and unfair on pup too if she's not getting the affection and attention she needs from your mum. If you will need to walk pup before and after school as well as fit in homework, this could affect your social life in the future. IF you decide that you have made a mistake, then it is better to return pup as soon as possible while it will be easier for the breeder to find another home for her.

As for feeling anxious and stressed about having a puppy in general - new pup mums, like new human baby mums, can muddle through and make it up as they go along to an extent, and still be a great 'parent'. I expect you feeling distant from pup is because of the feeling of guilt round your mum's attitude - maybe you need to sit down with her, sympathetically listen to how she feels she will be affected, and come to some agreement over what her role will be.

 

[lurcherman]

Having parents that don’t want or know how to care for the dog spells big trouble, if your parents said no then That should have been it, let’s hope there’s a happy life about to start for this pup.

 

[JudyN]

Having parents that don’t want or know how to care for the dog spells big trouble, if your parents said no then That should have been it, let’s hope there’s a happy life about to start for this pup.

Though one parent saying no and the other saying yes can be even more problematic I do hope it all works well, Dora. Maybe your mum & dad need to have a good talk with each other so you don't feel caught between them.

 

[lurcherman]

Let’s just be honest here, this family should not have a dog,, a dog is for life, I know I’ve always put there life’s first and mine behind them, changed my sports car to a van, when I couldn’t get some cover my one dog at the time came to work with me in the truck, came on holiday in my van with me to Great Yarmouth , we all agree on this don’t we, ?

 

[JudyN]

Let’s just be honest here, this family should not have a dog... we all agree on this don’t we, ?

I don't think we know enough - families are complicated, most people who get their first pup at some point think 'OMG, what have I done?', and most manage to make it work. Maybe the mum is having a hard time at the moment and this has upset Dora, maybe the family can sit round the table and talk it through, the mum will feel better and actually realise the pup is quite cute really...

But it's far from ideal if the person who may well end up having to do most of the work isn't at all happy about it, and the daughter is feeling guilty - so possibly, the best outcome for the pup would be if it was returned to the breeder

 

[Hemlock]

IMO best to return puppy while it is still cute enough to rehome and before family arguments affect it.

OP you can get an excellent dogfix by volunteering at a Rescue or finding a dog trainer prepared to mentor you. Then when you have settled into your career and have your own home (because rentals seldom allow pets) you can train and look after your choice of dog.