Our puppy isn't affectionate

[JessPandaBear]

Hi everyone

We recently adopted a puppy into our family who is now 4 months old - we've had him since he was around 10 weeks.

So far his training is going well and we're having a few challenges which we'd expect from a puppy and are getting support with through his training.

But our puppy isn't affectionate and doesn't seem to want or need us at all which makes the days when he's challenging extra difficult. I think if we had any signs that he likes and loves us as much as we like and love him it would be easier.

We certainly don't expect a puppy who is cuddly all the time but he never seems to want affection, will spend most of the time sleeping away from us rather than near us and doesn't show us the love I've seen with other dogs. We meet up with friends with their dogs and I get jealous about how affectionate their dogs are with them whereas ours is very aloof to the point it's making me wonder if we are the person for him.

We get a waggy tail and excitement when he sees us but that's about it, the rest of the time we feel like we're just having to correct him. We play with him, use positive reinforcement in our training and have tried to bond but it's quite heartbreaking to have a dog and be trying to show him love and affection but getting nothing back.

Any advice would be appreciated, we want to keep him and don't want to give up but there is a nagging feeling that maybe we aren't the right people for him and perhaps that's why he isn't affectionate with us

 

[JudyN]

Checking back, I see he's a samoyed x akita - I wouldn't be surprised if they are simply more reserved in how they show affection. Think about your loved ones - when you meet them (or when your your partner comes home) do you throw yourselves at them and give them a big hug and smacker, or do you say 'Hi there, good to see you' and carry on?

My dog was a lurcher, and his biggest sign of affection was to rest his head against my leg. Or stick his head in my groin and sigh as I rubbed his ears. This came to mean as much to me - and was more appreciated - than a full-on slobbery body slam! He actually showed more excitement when he met (human) friends, but I think this is simply because he was more secure in our bond so didn't need to go OTT.

You say you're correcting him a lot - what situations are you doing this in, and how do you correct him?

As far as you showing affection to him goes, I would back off a bit - I would find it offputting if my partner threw himself at me whenever he came home, or insisted on snuggling up to me when I was watching telly. And look for body language that is his way of showing affection, even if it's just a gaze from the other side of the room. You might find that when you take the pressure off, he is more inclined to come closer to you.

 

[RGC]

Heed the words of wisdom on the forum. They come (mainly) from experienced dog owners and the overwhelming message is to allow one’s dog their own space. We’ve always had whippets (rescues) and discovered how aloof they could be. I had hoped that, due to their gentle nature, our first two could be suitable P.A.T. (Pets as therapy) dogs - visiting hospitals and residential homes. They were useless! Wouldn’t engage with anyone save their mum and dad. I can only advise that being needy won’t help a relationship with a dog. Is he happy when you come home? Accept that and don’t put any onus on him and I’m sure that things will develop if you respect his space. Best of luck.

 

[excuseme]

We have an 11 year old Cocker who very seldom shows any need for affection or cuddles. Needless to say that after waiting 2 years for her mum to be mated and for her to arrive when she was 7.5 weeks of age, I was quiet upset with this no cuddles puppy.
Now after 11 years we understand each other very well. Cuddles are very few and far between, she sometimes jumps onto my lap when she feels the need, she hates being picked up and goes very stiff, the eyes tell you that she is not comfortable with this.
If when we are out beating she needs to be lifted over a fence, I make sure that I do the lifting as I am sure she would bite if someone else attempted to lift her. I do warn the Vet too.
She has a lovely way of asking for a tummy tickle, she jumps and thumps me with her front feet on the leg,sometimes continuously, if I take notice and look, she is quickly on the floor on her back wriggling for a tummy tickle or I lift her bottom off the floor by lifting her back legs up off the floor and scratch her rump and squeal what a lovely bottom she has. She just loves it and whizzes around afterwards thoroughly pleased Occasionally she will put her head on my chest for a little hug but that is just about it !
I do ignore her and I leave the attention seeking to her and for when she feels the need. Certainly not a cuddly lap dog but I will miss her so much when her time comes.

She is so perfectly good, and when we are out in the beating season I hardly have to mention her name she is with me all of the time and knows exactly what to do and when.
She is a pleasure to have, as we understand each other so well.

Don't push your affection onto a dog that does not want it, there will be other ways of showing your pleasures to each other over time.

.

 

[Feverfew]

Checking back, I see he's a samoyed x akita - I wouldn't be surprised if they are simply more reserved in how they show affection. Think about your loved ones - when you meet them (or when your your partner comes home) do you throw yourselves at them and give them a big hug and smacker, or do you say 'Hi there, good to see you' and carry on?

My dog was a lurcher, and his biggest sign of affection was to rest his head against my leg. Or stick his head in my groin and sigh as I rubbed his ears. This came to mean as much to me - and was more appreciated - than a full-on slobbery body slam! He actually showed more excitement when he met (human) friends, but I think this is simply because he was more secure in our bond so didn't need to go OTT.

You say you're correcting him a lot - what situations are you doing this in, and how do you correct him?

As far as you showing affection to him goes, I would back off a bit - I would find it offputting if my partner threw himself at me whenever he came home, or insisted on snuggling up to me when I was watching telly. And look for body language that is his way of showing affection, even if it's just a gaze from the other side of the room. You might find that when you take the pressure off, he is more inclined to come closer to you.

I absolutely love this reply from JudyN, and RGC's reply too and the cocker who accepts attention on her own terms. I think there are no guarantees when you choose a dog, as they all have very different personalities, just as we do and indeed all animals. I have lived with dogs who could not get close enough to me or never left my side (that was actually a bit of a problem), and I also have had dogs who have been very aloof and uninterested in me. Either of those is fine by me, because the reason I share my home with dogs is that I love watching them, communicating with them and figuring out what they need from me.

I don't need them to give me anything: it is enough that they are here. However, when a dog who is normally very aloof decides to come close or to communicate with me, that brings me a very profound joy. So, enjoy your young dog's unique personality and see him for who he is.