New User

[Sean_F]

Hello all I'm Sean I'm a new user and I come from Glasgow. I was recently living with my Father until he passed away 8th November and now I'm in the house myself I am kind of feeling lonely.

I've been thinking about getting a dog for a few weeks but I'm really unsure on if it's worth it for myself or any dog I do get.

I have Autism and I don't go out much (I don't have a good life style either) and I know when getting a dog things like that would have to change, so I've came here for some advice.

Gender of the dog I'm not fussed about the breed but I don't have a big house nor a small house so I'm looking for a medium sized dog who is friendly and is good natured in general.

So my question is this, how many dog owners on here was nervous and is nervous and how many have Autism like me?

And for those who have learning difficulties, was it a success or was it a failure?

I'm scared to try incase it doesn't work out and I make a dog unhappy

 

[JoanneF]

Hello and welcome. My condolences on losing your father. Are you coping, do you have other support?

I can't comment on the autism perspective of dog ownership but I do know a number of people with autism who have dogs. But, everyone is different, what works for one person might not work for another. Dogs do benefit from a regular routine, a lot of that is built around walking.

I suggest this to a lot of people in your situation.
For the next month, act like you have an adult dog. Get up an hour earlier than normal, take an hour long walk. Do the same in the evening. Do this every day, without fail, regardless of the weather.

Be aware of the season, and remind yourself every morning that for several months of the year you will be doing this in the cold and possibly the dark.

Also put away what you think a dog will cost for food, insurance, vet bill excesses, toys etc, then add 10% because we always underestimate these things.

That will give you a good insight into some of the commitment you will need to make.

Another thought is to consider fostering. Rescue centres are struggling to cope so may accept you as a temporary home. If it doesn't work out, you won't have the same guilt, and you might just meet the perfect dog.

 

[JudyN]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope that you are doing OK.

I echo everything that JoanneF says. I would also add that dog ownership can be stress-inducing at times, so if you suffer from anxiety it could make it worse. On the other hand, dog ownership has been shown to be very beneficial for many people with autism. People with autism vary so much that it's not possible to give a simple answer to your question.

Apologies if this sounds patronising, but have you considered a cat? They do tend to be a lot less demanding but are still great company. Though not so good if you're looking for a pet who will get you out and about, of course.

 

[JoanneF]

I thought of a cat too. A cat could offer companionship without placing the same demands on you.

 

[Sean_F]

Good morning Joanne for your response, if I'm honest I'm finding everything difficult in regards to the passing of my Father but there is things getting put in place and I hope in future I can live independently.

That is also one of my other worries, the financial side of it, I'm on U.C (getting moved from Job Seekers) due to mental health so the money side I can't afford, and I know dogs sometimes helps people with mental health but it can also do the opposite.

I'm not getting one yet but I am seriously considering getting one but I'm trying to size up if it would be worth it or not bothering with a dog

 

[Sean_F]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope that you are doing OK.

I echo everything that JoanneF says. I would also add that dog ownership can be stress-inducing at times, so if you suffer from anxiety it could make it worse. On the other hand, dog ownership has been shown to be very beneficial for many people with autism. People with autism vary so much that it's not possible to give a simple answer to your question.

Apologies if this sounds patronising, but have you considered a cat? They do tend to be a lot less demanding but are still great company. Though not so good if you're looking for a pet who will get you out and about, of course.

Thank you for your response, I have thought about a cat but unsure (without sounding foolish or anything) which would be better in the long run, I guess they both have down points and good points, yes cat's a usually less demanding in general but would I prefer a cat over a dog?

I've asked myself that, and the answer is I genuinely don't know but I think dog is maybe the better house pet, I apologise to anyone who prefers cats over dogs

 

[JudyN]

I do hope that you're in a better place too, both physically and mentally. I'm glad you have some support.

Consider how you cope with uncertainty and change of routine. No one can ensure that a dog will be issue-free. How will you cope if the dog develops separation anxiety, is reactive to other dogs, doesn't like people visiting your home, chases small furries if let off lead, has housetraining issues? What will happen if the dog needs expensive vet treatment - could you afford insurance to give you peace of mind? What would happen if you are ill?

What if you are absorbed in something - a hobby of special interest - and your dog insists that it wants to play, or needs a walk right then? Could whining for his tea half an hour before it's due cause sensory issues?

On the other hand, a dog will offer unconditional love and companionship, and having to get outside more is bound to help your health, and can help you meet people in a low-pressure setting.

Have you had much contact with dogs or cats before? Do you have any friends with dogs who can tell you about the good, the bad and the ugly? If they know you well they may have an idea of aspects you might find difficult.

 

[Sean_F]

Depends on what those hobbies are, some changes I'm ok with and others I struggle with again it depends.

Yes extended family have had cats and dogs through the years and some traits I'd rather not have, such as barking at nothing lol, I know that's what some dogs do but some more than others

Social aspect maybe a positive I don't meet people because of Autism.

Expenses is one of the bigger red flags on my part

 

[JoanneF]

Expenses is one of the bigger red flags on my part

As well as everything else then, you should look into the health of different breeds. Some are inherently unhealthy - cavaliers, French bulldogs and pugs come to mind.

Do you think you could cope with being a volunteer at a dog rescue shelter?

 

[Sean_F]

As well as everything else then, you should look into the health of different breeds. Some are inherently unhealthy - cavaliers, French bulldogs and pugs come to mind.

Do you think you could cope with being a volunteer at a dog rescue shelter?

I'm not sure and no I'd want to avoid dogs you mentioned, I was thinking medium dog like a Spaniel or a Golden Retriever but maybe I'm wrong

 

[RGC]

I'm not sure and no I'd want to avoid dogs you mentioned, I was thinking medium dog like a Spaniel or a Golden Retriever but maybe I'm wrong

A spaniel would be on the go the whole time, especially a puppy, and you’ll need to prioritise their requirements first. It has been suggested that, BEFORE you take on the commitment of pet ownership, you spend time as a volunteer. I know that the companionship of a dog sounds great but it needs 150% commitment and you need to prove to yourself that you can give that. Our whippet is a rescue from a household where the 20 year son suffered from Asperger’s. I appreciate that it’s not the same situation but you need to ask the question - why did they give the dog up? I really think that you need to step away from the ‘dream’ of having a loving canine or feline companion and give it a go without the risk of further angst to yourself or the pet. You’ve been through enough with the loss of your father and volunteering would be an ideal step. Best of luck.

 

[JoanneF]

With Goldens, they can be mouthy as puppies I believe; and you can check but I'm pretty sure you need to be careful for hip and elbow problems. Don’t be put off by that, it just means you need to go to a breeder that does the right tests.

 

[Hemlock]

I agree with RGC. The idea of a dog is great, but the actuality can be very demanding at times. You have indeed been through a very stressful time, and I think you need to put yourself first, which nobody can do if they are in charge of an animal. Enjoying someone else's dog at those times when you feel able would be a better fit for now. Later - who knows?

 

[Sean_F]

I agree with RGC. The idea of a dog is great, but the actuality can be very demanding at times. You have indeed been through a very stressful time, and I think you need to put yourself first, which nobody can do if they are in charge of an animal. Enjoying someone else's dog at those times when you feel able would be a better fit for now. Later - who knows?

And what's to say I fall deep in love with someone else's dog and I won't have it more than say a few weeks?

 

[Sean_F]

With Goldens, they can be mouthy as puppies I believe; and you can check but I'm pretty sure you need to be careful for hip and elbow problems. Don’t be put off by that, it just means you need to go to a breeder that does the right tests.

I'd not want that type of dog then, I only mentioned them because on kennel club it said they are usually friendly and medium sized dogs

 

[Sean_F]

A spaniel would be on the go the whole time, especially a puppy, and you’ll need to prioritise their requirements first. It has been suggested that, BEFORE you take on the commitment of pet ownership, you spend time as a volunteer. I know that the companionship of a dog sounds great but it needs 150% commitment and you need to prove to yourself that you can give that. Our whippet is a rescue from a household where the 20 year son suffered from Asperger’s. I appreciate that it’s not the same situation but you need to ask the question - why did they give the dog up? I really think that you need to step away from the ‘dream’ of having a loving canine or feline companion and give it a go without the risk of further angst to yourself or the pet. You’ve been through enough with the loss of your father and volunteering would be an ideal step. Best of luck.

I can't just message a volunteer centre for dogs and say hey I've got Autism my Father died and I'm looking for a dog but I'm unsure how to go about it, I'd have to show I'm prepared to volunteer and sometimes I'm not the volunteering type.

Yes I'm in a lazy routine and yes I'm looking for something to change it but I've never been the volunteering type I tend to avoid socialising due to my Autism and doing something I'm not comfortable with would unsettle me even more.

And asking someone else for their dog for a small while I'd be guilty if that dog ran off and never returned, I'm not in fit shape to spend time looking for a dog but if it was my own dog I'd probably feel slightly better

 

[JudyN]

And what's to say I fall deep in love with someone else's dog and I won't have it more than say a few weeks?

You also mentioned that you're not in fit shape to go looking for a dog - how many hours a day would you realistically be able to walk a dog? And then there's the other things I mentioned, like a dog who whines incessantly when it's coming up to mealtime. Dogs also need socialising - this doesn't have to involve socialising other people or dogs, but if your dog ends up wary of other people then this could be a problem when you need to visit the vet, or if someone else needs to look after it if you're ill.

What you do have on your side is time... it wouldn't be a good idea to get a dog while you're grieving and when you don't know where you'll end up living. Read up on dog behaviour, maybe read the 'Dog behaviour and training' section on this forum (and others) to see the sort of issues that owners have to deal with, and consider whether this is really what you want and what you're able to do. If you're hoping a dog will help with socialising, consider if there are easier options - a group based on your interests could be a better match for you. And if you are wondering about volunteering, just take it gradually: list some local rescues, maybe contact one or more and ask about volunteering (I'm guessing email would be easier than phone). I don't think you need to tell then about your dad, but mentioning that you have autism may help them understand and allow for things like lack of eye contact and social chit-chat. If they're not interested, fair enough. If they are... at any stage you can back out and say you've realised it's not right for you - at least you have tried.

And most of all, talk to those who know you, who know your strengths and limitations.