I've had my golden retriever for 11 yrs. At the time there was only my partner and me. Alfie had all the love and attention and walks a dog could wish for. 11 yrs down the line, I am a single parent of 2 young kids. Alfie has always been mischievous, but I now don't have the time I used to have. 6 months ago my mum died and I now have her dog too-a Lakeland terrier. They've known eachother a their lives and have always got on. However now they live together they've started fighting-to the point where blood is drawn and one or both end up limping. Alfie has always had a nasty streak but has never bit me, or the kids, but I think that's because I can read the signs. And since the terrier has joined us, Alfie's behaviour has spiralled-will run off if the door/gate is left open, he eats everything-clothes, toilet roll, toys, paper-anything. He doesn't listen to me-won't come to me/sit/go to his bed unless I shout. Things can't continue like this. I can't rehome the terrier-though he is a lovely dog. I don't know if I dare rehome Alfie in case he bites someone, plus they'd need the patience of a saint to put up with the behaviour and the time to devote to him. Plus if have to live with the decision of rehoming him. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be most gratefully received.
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At the end of my tether
- Thread starter Btowmby
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[SIZE=11pt]Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. It can’t be easy being a single parent with 2 kids and 2 dogs.
Could you please explain what you mean by Alfie having a 'nasty' streak? The behaviour you describe seems more naughty than anything else. And that could easily be from boredom or wanting attention. You scolding him when he has misbehaved is still attention, which to him is better than none at all. Also if he runs off and you chase him, that may be frustrating to you but to him it’s a fun game.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I know his life can’t be what it was 11 years ago but it’s very different now and perhaps looking at things from his perspective will help you help him. Bear in mind golden retrievers are intelligent, quite large and love to be with their families.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]How much exercise does Alfie get each day? How many minutes of walking? Is it only on the lead? Do you and your children spend time with him playing in the garden? A dog that gets enough exercise and mental stimulation will be more relaxed, less stressed and may get on better with other dogs. It also must be quite a change to have another dog living with him, so it can’t be easy for him either. Get a book from the library and teach Alfie a trick. Get your kids involved. Daily mental stimulation can be more tiring than a walk (though not more important). Try to think of ways to include him in your daily activities and games with the kids. It will strengthen your and your children’s relationship with him, he will be a happier dog for it and it could improve his behaviour so that there is no need to re-home anyone.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]However, if you really can't keep both dogs and the terrier is lovely, why can’t you rehome him? It sounds like he has a better chance of finding a new family.[/SIZE]
Could you please explain what you mean by Alfie having a 'nasty' streak? The behaviour you describe seems more naughty than anything else. And that could easily be from boredom or wanting attention. You scolding him when he has misbehaved is still attention, which to him is better than none at all. Also if he runs off and you chase him, that may be frustrating to you but to him it’s a fun game.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]I know his life can’t be what it was 11 years ago but it’s very different now and perhaps looking at things from his perspective will help you help him. Bear in mind golden retrievers are intelligent, quite large and love to be with their families.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]How much exercise does Alfie get each day? How many minutes of walking? Is it only on the lead? Do you and your children spend time with him playing in the garden? A dog that gets enough exercise and mental stimulation will be more relaxed, less stressed and may get on better with other dogs. It also must be quite a change to have another dog living with him, so it can’t be easy for him either. Get a book from the library and teach Alfie a trick. Get your kids involved. Daily mental stimulation can be more tiring than a walk (though not more important). Try to think of ways to include him in your daily activities and games with the kids. It will strengthen your and your children’s relationship with him, he will be a happier dog for it and it could improve his behaviour so that there is no need to re-home anyone.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=11pt]However, if you really can't keep both dogs and the terrier is lovely, why can’t you rehome him? It sounds like he has a better chance of finding a new family.[/SIZE]
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Oh Dear! You are in a bit of a pickle aren't you.
Alfie has been on his own in his pack for 11 years and suddenly another male turns up and is on his territory can lead the most placid of dogs to form a nasty streak as you so say, even a godlen retriever who are one of the most placid dogs you can get!
I agree with everythign Asteria says, but i would also suggest crating the dogs. This will be something that will come as a complete shock to them both, but if they are being naughty and the training you will most likely start to put in place isnt working then you can part them by putting them in crates.
This needs to be their new beds too, so when leaving them on their own they will be safe in the crates. This needs to be brought in gradually as if this is new to them, then they will be very reluctant. But once they view it as a positive place to be, then being popped into the crate when the energy level becomes to high, gives them both a chance to calm down.
I only have 1 dog but he gets the same treatment when he is being naughty, which thankfully isnt very often anymore.
i must stress that the first time i started doing this with my dog, it took over 40 attempts over the course of a couple of hours of putting him in and out of his crate (this was when he was a teenager and was driving me mad!!!) before he actually realised he wasnt going to get away with how he was behaving as i didnt back down.
it was a serious battle of wills but i made sure I won. This will be the same between your 2 dogs.
terriers are renowned for being territorial and do not like it when someone encroaches on their spot!
try training classes as well if you can afford it. Take your children with you so they can part take in the classes and they can have a dog each, so they are both getting the same training and the kids are learning something as well. This may help with the leader of the pack situation.
Just grit your teeth for now and keep going. i know how you feel to have a destructive dog but to have them fighting must be awful.
Best thing for now, is to keep them seperated in the house if you have the space to do this. That way, whilst youre figuring out what to do they wont be at each others throats......hopefully!!!
good luck!
Sophie x
Alfie has been on his own in his pack for 11 years and suddenly another male turns up and is on his territory can lead the most placid of dogs to form a nasty streak as you so say, even a godlen retriever who are one of the most placid dogs you can get!
I agree with everythign Asteria says, but i would also suggest crating the dogs. This will be something that will come as a complete shock to them both, but if they are being naughty and the training you will most likely start to put in place isnt working then you can part them by putting them in crates.
This needs to be their new beds too, so when leaving them on their own they will be safe in the crates. This needs to be brought in gradually as if this is new to them, then they will be very reluctant. But once they view it as a positive place to be, then being popped into the crate when the energy level becomes to high, gives them both a chance to calm down.
I only have 1 dog but he gets the same treatment when he is being naughty, which thankfully isnt very often anymore.
i must stress that the first time i started doing this with my dog, it took over 40 attempts over the course of a couple of hours of putting him in and out of his crate (this was when he was a teenager and was driving me mad!!!) before he actually realised he wasnt going to get away with how he was behaving as i didnt back down.
it was a serious battle of wills but i made sure I won. This will be the same between your 2 dogs.
terriers are renowned for being territorial and do not like it when someone encroaches on their spot!
try training classes as well if you can afford it. Take your children with you so they can part take in the classes and they can have a dog each, so they are both getting the same training and the kids are learning something as well. This may help with the leader of the pack situation.
Just grit your teeth for now and keep going. i know how you feel to have a destructive dog but to have them fighting must be awful.
Best thing for now, is to keep them seperated in the house if you have the space to do this. That way, whilst youre figuring out what to do they wont be at each others throats......hopefully!!!
good luck!
Sophie x
Hi to you both. Thank you for your replies. Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees and its good to get someone else's take on a situation. I like several of each of your suggestions.
By nasty streak I mean when Alfie was younger (about 3 yrs old) he did go for and bite my partner twice - had to have stitches in his hands on one occasion. Since then I have been wary of him-particularly with the girls. The only time he starts to get nasty is when he has something which I want off him. I'm the only one who can get things off him, but there r times even i can't-it's not worth getting bitten to retrieve a sock. And I have no doubt he would bite me. Generally though, Alfie is naughty rather than nasty.
Unfortunately I have no where near the amount of time I should devote to Alfie (I also work full time). Alfie is lucky if he gets 2 x 1 mile walks a week. I agree he is bored and unstimulated. And now having Toby in his house tops everything off for him.
I don't feel I could rehome Toby as he was my mums dog. I couldn't live with myself.
I have decided I'm going to tell my dad that he needs to have Toby at least some of the time to give us all a break-things cannot carry on as they are.
I do like the idea of the girls and me taking them dog training. We/I also new to find some time to devote to Alfie. Hopefully a combination of these things will mean we see a difference in his behaviour.
If you think of anything else I'd appreciate your opinions.
Many thanks.
By nasty streak I mean when Alfie was younger (about 3 yrs old) he did go for and bite my partner twice - had to have stitches in his hands on one occasion. Since then I have been wary of him-particularly with the girls. The only time he starts to get nasty is when he has something which I want off him. I'm the only one who can get things off him, but there r times even i can't-it's not worth getting bitten to retrieve a sock. And I have no doubt he would bite me. Generally though, Alfie is naughty rather than nasty.
Unfortunately I have no where near the amount of time I should devote to Alfie (I also work full time). Alfie is lucky if he gets 2 x 1 mile walks a week. I agree he is bored and unstimulated. And now having Toby in his house tops everything off for him.
I don't feel I could rehome Toby as he was my mums dog. I couldn't live with myself.
I have decided I'm going to tell my dad that he needs to have Toby at least some of the time to give us all a break-things cannot carry on as they are.
I do like the idea of the girls and me taking them dog training. We/I also new to find some time to devote to Alfie. Hopefully a combination of these things will mean we see a difference in his behaviour.
If you think of anything else I'd appreciate your opinions.
Many thanks.
I think that's a great idea, for everyone involved. I'm sure Toby misses your father and hopefully Alfie will be happier.
Alfie sounds possessive but you should be able get anything from him without fear of being bitten. It’s a matter of training. What does Alfie like to take and why? If you understand why he does things you will know what sort of training he needs. For example, does he take socks because you then focus on him and maybe chase after him turning things into a fun game? Or is it because he loves chewing them?
If it's your reaction he loves, don't react in any way. No reaction means no fun for him. For this to work you must be consistent and so must your little ones. As with all training, it takes time and persistence. If he has something and you need it quickly, give him something he likes for a trade. Don’t show him that you want what he has just make him think what you’ve got is way better (like one of his toys). He may drop whatever he has and dance around you. If so, chuck the new prize out of the room! You can increase a toy’s value by not allowing him to have it all the time.
If he takes the socks because he loves to play with them, then give him socks. Buy some socks and tie a knot in each one. These are now Alfie's socks and we want him to prefer these socks to yours. Leave them lying around with a treat tucked in them for him to find. If it's safe to, play a gentle tug of war with him with one. Take a ball, put it in the sock and sew up the opening (securely and safely) so that the ball can stick out but not fall out. Play fetch with it. If these socks are more fun and rewarding for him, he won't want yours. It’s best to supervise him with socks so why not only make them available when you have to do laundry?
If he likes to chew, get him a deer antler. They're great for his teeth, safer than rawhide and will keep him busy. If you have to leave him alone for long periods of time, hide things for him to find like the antler or toys but try to vary them each day else they’re less interesting. Get a kong, put peanut butter or cream cheese in it, pop it in the freezer, give it to him when you leave. He will have to work for his treat, he'll be occupied for a while and being alone isn't as boring. You’ll come home to a happier dog.
There are certain commands that will be very useful for you like the Drop It command and the Leave it command. Go to you tube and google Victoria Stillwell and watch her lessons. Hopefully Alfie is belly led and will work for food. Try to use healthy treats he loves, they can be pea sized. To make sure he doesn't become overweight from lots of treats, reduce the size of his meals to compensate.
About the walks, I know you are very busy but there may be other options. Do any of your neighbours have a responsible older child who wants to work with animals? If so, they may be willing to walk Alfie for free, especially if they don't have a dog. They get work experience and are doing voluntary work, both of which are valuable when applying for training, work experience or uni. Maybe a neighbour who has a dog can walk Alfie at the same time? Or someone who loves dogs but can't have one? Have you heard of borrowmydoggy.com? I know it's not easy to find someone you can entrust Alfie to but it's an idea. Good luck!
Alfie sounds possessive but you should be able get anything from him without fear of being bitten. It’s a matter of training. What does Alfie like to take and why? If you understand why he does things you will know what sort of training he needs. For example, does he take socks because you then focus on him and maybe chase after him turning things into a fun game? Or is it because he loves chewing them?
If it's your reaction he loves, don't react in any way. No reaction means no fun for him. For this to work you must be consistent and so must your little ones. As with all training, it takes time and persistence. If he has something and you need it quickly, give him something he likes for a trade. Don’t show him that you want what he has just make him think what you’ve got is way better (like one of his toys). He may drop whatever he has and dance around you. If so, chuck the new prize out of the room! You can increase a toy’s value by not allowing him to have it all the time.
If he takes the socks because he loves to play with them, then give him socks. Buy some socks and tie a knot in each one. These are now Alfie's socks and we want him to prefer these socks to yours. Leave them lying around with a treat tucked in them for him to find. If it's safe to, play a gentle tug of war with him with one. Take a ball, put it in the sock and sew up the opening (securely and safely) so that the ball can stick out but not fall out. Play fetch with it. If these socks are more fun and rewarding for him, he won't want yours. It’s best to supervise him with socks so why not only make them available when you have to do laundry?
If he likes to chew, get him a deer antler. They're great for his teeth, safer than rawhide and will keep him busy. If you have to leave him alone for long periods of time, hide things for him to find like the antler or toys but try to vary them each day else they’re less interesting. Get a kong, put peanut butter or cream cheese in it, pop it in the freezer, give it to him when you leave. He will have to work for his treat, he'll be occupied for a while and being alone isn't as boring. You’ll come home to a happier dog.
There are certain commands that will be very useful for you like the Drop It command and the Leave it command. Go to you tube and google Victoria Stillwell and watch her lessons. Hopefully Alfie is belly led and will work for food. Try to use healthy treats he loves, they can be pea sized. To make sure he doesn't become overweight from lots of treats, reduce the size of his meals to compensate.
About the walks, I know you are very busy but there may be other options. Do any of your neighbours have a responsible older child who wants to work with animals? If so, they may be willing to walk Alfie for free, especially if they don't have a dog. They get work experience and are doing voluntary work, both of which are valuable when applying for training, work experience or uni. Maybe a neighbour who has a dog can walk Alfie at the same time? Or someone who loves dogs but can't have one? Have you heard of borrowmydoggy.com? I know it's not easy to find someone you can entrust Alfie to but it's an idea. Good luck!
It sounds like you do have a lot on your plate and hopefully if you dad agrees to help it will take a bit of pressure off. If all of you are on the same team (you and your girls) it means that you might be able to help each other.
You seem more positive in your second post hopefully things have gotten better for you?
You seem more positive in your second post hopefully things have gotten better for you?
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He maybe a small dog but terriers are working dogs and need stimulation. As you said he is bored and under stimulated. And just because he is small doesnt mean a quick whizz round the block will do it. They need lots of exercise and long walks.
Longer walks and maybe off lead in fields running around is key to your situation. You will see a huge difference in his behaviour if he gets longer and more frequent walks.
If you honestly dont have the time then one long walk in the morning maybe the answer, before you start work. Take the kids too, or if they are old enough leave them at home.
You drain his energy he will be alot calmer at home. Trust me I know!!!!! I have a Lab that is a complete nut job if he doesnt get let off his lead for a good run!
Another solution is as Asteria said is someone walking him for you. Have you ever heard of Borrow my Doggy? Its a free service people who are genuine dog lovers offer to help busy working people/families out with their dogs. have a look and see what you think. This will kill 2 birds with one stone in respect of this not costing you anything and he gets more walks and more attention.
However, before you do this his behaviour needs to put into check. He owns you. Simple as that! That's what he thinks and he's right! You fear him as do your children so he rules the house hold! You show him whos boss and you will get a dog that will do anything for you, not the other way around.
Terriers are territorial as I have said before and stubborn as they get, and will not take kindly to being told what to do! This is why training is key!
You let him get away with whatever he wants just so he doesnt bite you! You need somewhere he can go for a time out. This maybe his bed if he will stay there of if not a quiet room where there isn't much furniture so he cant destroy anything. The other and last option is keeping his lead tied to the bannister or wherever and tie him to it when he is giving you behaviour you dont want. Just until he calms down. This should be done every time, and be consistant with it. it will take ages before he gets the message but trust me he will get it eventually!
If you do this you only need to leave him until he is completely calm and you can approach him without thinking he is going to bite you.
Scolding him will not work, so please dont do this.
I will stop there as you have reems of advice now!
Keep us posted!
Sophie x
Longer walks and maybe off lead in fields running around is key to your situation. You will see a huge difference in his behaviour if he gets longer and more frequent walks.
If you honestly dont have the time then one long walk in the morning maybe the answer, before you start work. Take the kids too, or if they are old enough leave them at home.
You drain his energy he will be alot calmer at home. Trust me I know!!!!! I have a Lab that is a complete nut job if he doesnt get let off his lead for a good run!
Another solution is as Asteria said is someone walking him for you. Have you ever heard of Borrow my Doggy? Its a free service people who are genuine dog lovers offer to help busy working people/families out with their dogs. have a look and see what you think. This will kill 2 birds with one stone in respect of this not costing you anything and he gets more walks and more attention.
However, before you do this his behaviour needs to put into check. He owns you. Simple as that! That's what he thinks and he's right! You fear him as do your children so he rules the house hold! You show him whos boss and you will get a dog that will do anything for you, not the other way around.
Terriers are territorial as I have said before and stubborn as they get, and will not take kindly to being told what to do! This is why training is key!
You let him get away with whatever he wants just so he doesnt bite you! You need somewhere he can go for a time out. This maybe his bed if he will stay there of if not a quiet room where there isn't much furniture so he cant destroy anything. The other and last option is keeping his lead tied to the bannister or wherever and tie him to it when he is giving you behaviour you dont want. Just until he calms down. This should be done every time, and be consistant with it. it will take ages before he gets the message but trust me he will get it eventually!
If you do this you only need to leave him until he is completely calm and you can approach him without thinking he is going to bite you.
Scolding him will not work, so please dont do this.
I will stop there as you have reems of advice now!
Keep us posted!
Sophie x
